A glorious day for an FOYW!! The hares selected an easy to find restaurant even if my Co-GM, Lil Sai Wanker, “truly underestimated the amount of time required to get to the start and thus never actually ran but did make 20 calls to Undulator for directions…he never made it past the KFC (where was Finger Licking Good??). We also had great shirts designed by D&C for all our hashers. As we handed out shirts and collected money the crowd swelled to 39 and we quickly stored bags and introduced the virgins, explained the marks and called “Open Check”. Fuck That Monkey and Undulator gave a map to the walkers and we were all off.

Quickly finding trail and cruising around Wanfujing, trying not to get lost in the crowds or pass out from the stinky tofu booths we landed at a photo op by the church on the north end of Wanfujing. We posed for some pictures and sang “Tried to go to heaven” while staring at the locked doors. Pyromaniac and one of the walkers were already lost and trying to get back on trail sp FTM helped direct them and then the runners were “Open Check – This Way”. Winding through hutong alleys we soon came upon our first beer stop and were soon joined by the walkers. We crowded into what little shade we could find and enjoyed our beverages.

Undulator was on the phone again with LSW and the crowd voted that he just stay at the restaurant and prepare for punishment in the circle. Out of nowhere Maiken appeared, a virgin from the previous days Boxer Hash, on her way to the Forbidden City. Needless to say the allure of cold beer and international humor kept her onboard for the hash and dinner. In addition we had Tom and Emily sporting their matching all black tank tops and running shorts. While being punished in the circle tey said next week would be all white…water fight anyone! We gave the 1 minute warning, paid the bill and headed out. It took us several minutes to find trail and stay on trail…half the group became lost and when Hash Cookies called for directions I said where is Undulator and she said next to me and she has no idea where we are!! FTM was lounging in a chair not the least concerned and Cocksourcerer was taking an unnecessary interest in the prison across from our second beer stop. Dry Hole decided he would help and putting his EMT training to work ran 100 meters down the alley and found them…hopefully e didn’t use all his FRB energy on that one. We quenched the lost hashers thirst with another round of cold beer and were “On On” again.

What’s Up Cock had been debating switching to the walkers trail but now it was too late. To this point the trail had been very interesting and kept the group together. The hares said we were 80% through and with a ton of hutongs in the area we should have an interesting ending but instead we went back out to the main road and straight south to the restaurant. Semi-cold beer plus D&C and LSW awaited our return and as DH pinch-hit as RA we circled up for the FOYW festivities. Several hashers were lost during the circle and one hasher had yet to return, Tap Ass. Finally joining the group along with late cumers, That Funky Shit and XXX, and quickly brought in for a down down. We had to go through 3 virgin sessions as people appeared out of nowhere so we did the high-speed version of the Beijing Song. At this point DH tried to bring Jim Mceachern in for a down down but he was gone so Pony was the stand-in and then when he called in Amnesia, he too was awol. About 10 minutes later he drove past honking his horn…beep, beep, beep-beep, beep…not sure what hash song that was.

Our 2 MBA students, Juan and Jeremy, came in for a few drinks and then decided dinner might be fun. Dirty Cut was punished for having already changed her entire outfit into non-running and non-hashing clothes and possibly a new hair style…FTM thought he should mock the Germans’ pronunciation of their leaders name and was quickly corrected by DH for being culturally insensible with a down down. As Undulator was heard saying she was “going down fast!”, Hash Cookies pleaded with the Hares to not do anything else stupid since she was having to drink with them. The Cock of Shame returned and I was forced to drink but D&C missed his opportunity since Hash Cookies is Year of the Cock. TFS presented HC with freshly baked cookies for the group to share. We finished the circle with announcements and with a quick clean up and announcements made we were “On Food”!!!

After dinner DH led the group in "Swing Low" and “some” retired for the evening…a text from D&C and 12:30AM showed that at least 10 very drunk hashers staged their own On ON…

On On

Moore Head

A first today with a record 12 “first-timers” and the annual one run by Canadian Chlamydia (heck she even brought along her brother the movie star, Ted), was the woman outnumbering the men in a hash that saw close to 40 people!!! Unfortunately only 3 people ran without a shirt and none of them were women. The GM was fashionably late from picking up the new BH3 beer coozies (and yes they fit the BIG beer bottles and the hare raiser, Dry Hole, was off searching for chalk as the hares, Lin Zhang and Eric Smith (baptized Cock Sourcerer today) had run out. A bit more disturbing when he was told they used bricks to mark the trail.

Lin, a local, said she could not find any chalk…Dry Hole in less than 8 minutes on foot found a box of chalk and returned triumphant yet also realizing maybe he needs to adjust the “Hare Information” pamphlet that he provides each week. The hares quickly explained the marks for the first timers and although we didn’t adhere to German timing of 3PM sharp we were off within a reasonable amount of time with our two virgin hares. But wait…a quick RMB120 was handed to me by No Beer Required for herself and one more hasher as they emerged from the Ditie. Within minutes Pocahomo and Fuck that Monkey had removed their shirts to the dismay of locals and thought it wise to play chicken with the Beijing sun and it’s ultraviolet/ultraviolent rays.

Our beer stops would be two and both serviced by a cooler in the bag car. After last weeks’ “warm” beer incident the hashers were desperate to know that today would be different. Piles was off with the walkers nearly 15 strong and to FTM’s dismay his first timer friend Matt was actually walking not running (much punishment would occur in the circle!). DH was excited because we were heading for the Drive In theatre on Liangmaqiao and also into Chaoyang Park. Not for a cheap date and some private snuggling but for all the wonderful trails and neighboring hutongs. Unfortunately the hares prefer asphalt and concrete so even in these areas it was all hard roads and sidewalks!! As we worked our way through the embassy area and the seldom seen marks we entered the Drive In and found the glorious cooler of beer. Unfortunately when we opened the lid it looked like someone cleaned out their fridge…some cans, some bottles and all appeared to be covered in cigarette ash! Hell we were all parched so what’s a little ash when you think about the air we breathe? After a few minutes the walkers arrived and finished off the beer so we sent Jin, the bag car driver, off with an empty cooler and some RMB to pick-up more for beer stop 2.

Now is when DH’s real disappointment set in! Instead of open check and entering the trail system in the movie theatre area we went right back out the entrance and across the street to Chaoyang Park. With several runners from the Wednesday Chaoyang group in attendance we were treated to running part of our trail (again on pavement) in reverse and the scenery change was AMAZING. Out the east gate to the blue beer cooler full again with cold beer!!! Low and behold here come the walkers…the hares had done the impossible with everyone sharing the same beer stops at the same time. After another lengthy drinking session we announced “Open Check”. The hares were off before we realized Jin had NO IDEA where B was and the map that Piles had was faded, had no roads listed but instead showed a red cross that was supposed to mark the church across the street from B. A quick call to the hares and we had it sorted but DH and I had to catch the runners. We quickly lost trail and then just made it up eventually finding B and running backwards to the rest of the group. No Beer Required and Petting Zoo were in the flower market instead of running when we caught them and Jin was randomly parked on the side of the road nowhere close to B. Once we had the rest of the group and turned to run the correct direction we had the car follow us to the finish. Later we would discover that the restaurant that was supposed to be just past the Harley Davidson dealership was in fact another 500 meters down the road and you had to take a right at the light to find the restaurant on your left. The circle was begun and we met the visitors, first-timers and LTNS before DH took a stab at RA. With plenty of available “intel” he had no problems abusing over 2/3’s of the attendees. We transitioned to “accusating” people and as the sun began to set we realized we should take advantage of the remaining light and “have ourselves a Hangin’”! I mean naming and with Eric being listed as an “underscore” on last week’s email DH suggested that, but as you can see below the crowd decided something else would be better:

Today was a glorious day with three namings:

• Our virgin hare, Eric Smith, now Cock Sourcerer
• Our gentle German, Holger Meier, now Benz Over
• And of course our naughty hair stylist, Cindy Bingman, now Dirty Cut

And on such a beautiful and hot day the beer bath was not only refreshing but also as DC explained very good for your hair!!! With a quick clean up and announcements made we were “On Food”!!!

After dinner DH led the group in "Swing Low" and we retired for the evening.

On On

Moore Head