Back in November, the Boxer Hash saw the ousting of former GM Crooked Sink & Destroy following a disputed election in which Hairy Crack and Silky Fag’s platform to “make the hash great again” garnered unexpected last-minute popular support. In the wake of this depressing and unexpected defeat to the Crack-Fag ticket, Crooked Sink & Destroy decided to take some much-needed time off from hash politics to regain her senses. She set off deep into the forests of Yanqing, disappearing completely from public view for several months.
Meanwhile, fellow hasher Agent Orgy decided to make good on her bucket list by finally signing up for the Great Wall Marathon. Ignoring the fine print upon registration, little did she know that the “Great Wall Marathon” is actually just a cover to punish race-ists by forcing them to build the next “Great Green Wall.” Successful registrants are sent to plant rows upon rows of trees next to a mound of dirt that locals villagers refer to as the “Great Wall.” Upon arrival at the race site, Agent Orgy was handed a shovel and a bag of flour as sustenance, and forced to spend 24-hour days digging holes for trees without so much as a drop of beer (or cum) to quench her thirst.
Nevertheless, this situation did little to dampen AO’s spirit. While the Crack-Fag ticket was crumbling under a scandal involving illicit communications with the Greek government, Agent Orgy was busy being a social butterfly at the labor camp. It was there that she met No Shit Sherlock, a controversial author who had been sent to the camp after his arrest for “harming hash security,” and… none other than Crooked Sink & Destroy herself! Yes, the former GM had also been co-opted to eternally plant trees in the Beijing desert after mistaking the labor camp for a meaningful volunteer vacation opportunity. The three quickly became chums, and soon afterwards they hatched a detailed escape plan, which they executed last weekend. Luckily for the authorities, however, Agent Orgy left a trail of flour for hashers to sniff out these crooks and punish their misdeeds via public shaming.
This weekend, join the hunt as the Boxer Hash is summoned to the peaks of Yanqing to track down escaped convicts Crooked Sink & Destroy, No Shit Sherlock and Agent Orgy!
No Shit Sherlock, Crooked Sink & Destroy, Agent Orgy
Yanyu Mountain, Yanqing (or is it Yanjing?) District
Saturday, May 20, 2017
Meet at 10:00 a.m. Departure at 10:30 a.m. sharp!
Both runners’ and walkers’ trails are STEEP! Some shiggy (although not unbearable) on both trails. Runners’ trail is about 12-15k, walkers’ trail is 8-9k. Plenty of room for wandering within the labor camp (aka crumbling Great Wall) near the bash village for those who might be wary of the trail.
- Hash Cash:
150 RMB, will get you a boxer trail, snacks, circle, bottomless drinks, and a bash! Andy’s craft sausages will be serving breakfast, so bring extra cash for brekkie and any drinks at XL Bar after the run.
(**Please make sure to note which option you choose when signing up below! Breakfast will only be guaranteed for those who indicate that option on the form.**).
- Meet up:
1-022 Shoukai Bojun Nanqu, Xindong Lu (新东路首开铂郡南区1-022).
*Click here for Baidu map*
It’s on Xindong Lu in the complex just north of Heaven and south of Lily’s American Diner. To find it, try to go to Heaven and then go the other way.
- What to bring:
It’s STEEP! Bring gripping shoes for the trail and long garments to avoid suffering on the mountain! Sustenance — a vessel to carry water and an energy bar on trail. Your cell phone. Running shoes. A sense of adventure. A sense of direction. Running shoes. A sense of adventure. A sense of direction.
Meeting point in Beijing
** IMPORTANT NOTE: THE BEIJING BOXER HASH IS AN OFF-ROAD RUNNING HASH GOING OUT TO THE HILLS AROUND BEIJING ONCE A MONTH. WE USUALLY AIM FOR THE SECOND SATURDAY OF EACH MONTH, BUT MAY VARY DEPENDING ON THE HARES’ AVAILABILITY, CURRENCY EXCHANGE FLUCTUATIONS, THE SCORE OF THE MOST RECENT BEIJING GUO’AN GAME, THE BUS DRIVER’S MOOD AND OTHER VARIABLE FACTORS WE HAVE ZERO CONTROL OVER. WE DO NOT ADJUST FOR WEATHER CONDITIONS (BRING A TOWEL, YOU WON’T DROWN) NOR POLLUTION LEVELS (THEY’RE LOWER OUT IN THE MOUNTAINS ANYWAY). IT’S OK TO WALK BUT NOT TO LALLYGAG. KEEP MOVING … WE’RE A RUNNING HASH. HEART ATTACKS ARE NOT PERMITTED. AS WE ARE OUT ON MOUNTAIN TRAILS, IT’S EASY TO GET LOST. IF YOU’RE TOO STUPID TO BRING A PHONE WITH YOU (LIM&S, LOOKING AT YOU!) AND YOU GET LOST. WE WON’T PH*CKING CARE, NOR WILL WE PH*CING PIN YOU EITHER. WE MAY OR MAY NOT SEND A SEARCH PARTY LOOKING FOR YOU. IF WE DO, CHANCES ARE IT WILL CONSIST PRIMARILY OF RABID DOGS AND HUNGRY WOLVES. THAT BEING SAID, WE ARE GLAD TO HAVE YOU JOIN US AND HOPE YOU ENJOY A GREAT DAY! (BY THE WAY, NO YOU WON’T BE BACK FOR YOUR IMPORTANT DINNER DATE BRING THEM ALONG INSTEAD)