Hash Trash

by Pickle Boy, Hash Scribe extraordinaire.

Hash Trash 2018-12-11T16:15:00+00:00
The post, views and opinions contained on this page are those of the author and are not necessarily endorsed by, nor do they necessarily reflect, the opinions of the Beijing Hash House Harriers. In any case we hope you enjoy!

For those who missed the last run or who simply don’t even remember what happened or just want to read the fine stories of the Beijing HHH.

Beijing HHH Run #1883: Pre-Yule-Lube


What a steal! A large carton of German Becker’s beer just costs CNY 88. A case of water however is stolen in less than 15 minutes after it is left outside the restaurant prior to the hashing. And a matter of 140 PM 2.5 is still stalking around all the time and all the way in such a winter. It’s Yuletide. Just give the ganefs some mercy, not so much detesting the jerks and assholes as more because of the toxic culture. That’s always the case.

The post-hashing circle is packed in a hutong entrance next to HH House. The hashing play takes multiple local audience by storm. A man with kinda para-statal  somatization mumbles it’s religious ceremony; several locals ask local hashers as to what’s going on; the cars and pedestrians stop watching the hashers; local passers-by and bikers cut through the circle accompanied by hashers vociferating to make the hole, of whom squints at the hashers. The overwhelming majority of the audience apparently do not understand English language, and then more locals enjoy watching, laughing and taking pictures of the hashers. GM Shanghai Man and RA More Men change off the repertoire. The hare BDSaMateur authors the hashers to sing a warm Christmas song. Two virgins are welcomed with Hash procedure. Rambo No. 5 and Bearded Clam each win run patch and mug for #100 run and #150 run. Just Wil wields the slapper to enforce the Hash rule strictly. Swedish Yule ball tonight hastens the course of the circle and hashing for a lineup of hashers to attend it on the schnoz. RA MM pulls out Just Kaley for her naming that’s awash with nominations from the hashers. Waves of support scream louder and louder, and finally the call for Bitch, please gets loudest. Just Kaley peels off her clothes to the last layer and kneels down in the circle to accept a beer baptism. As soon as RA MM hammers down her Hash Handle, columns of icy beer soak her shoulder-length hair and her upper body. The Hasher Song with one voice by the hashers creates a climax with which numerous local audience scramble to watch and burst into laughter and surprise. To the end, RA MM summons all hashers to perform a chorus of International Hash Hymn.

Always, Dry Hole scurries in front, even when he’s a hare like today his leading a way as well through a succession of zigzag alleyways and laneways until arriving at the first beer stop with a broad view of the street. Many signs were marked on higher levels of the poles. A team of hashers are absorbed in following and checking such as Limp Fish Dick, Moose Knuckles, Just Wil, Moral Fixation, Minor Annoyance, Principal Penetration and so on. And a group of walkers first hit there like Red Snatcher, Hot Cockalate, Cock Chain, Tit for Tap, Spicy Penis, Just Tansy, Just Victor, etc. About 10 minutes later, the hares call for an Open Check. The most do not move though. Outrageous! Until the third call is yelled out, the chitchatty hashers then spread out on the trail. In the implication of the hares, the runners pour through digs quarters and street.

Suddenly a rare three letters P mark guides up to an exquisite sculpture in a swath of withered greenbelt, a 2-tier marble fountain sculpture, each tier decorated with a tray of lotus leaves carving, on the bottom is 4 fierce dragon heads defending 4 corners; on the second is 4 angels holding a carp guarding 4 directions respectively; on the top is a large carp jumping into the sky, the total height of more than 2 meters, quite lifelike. The hashers find out an unopened bottle of water in the second tray, covered with soil as well as a lighter, as if the fountain sculpture is a time machine as a porch from a desert of the 4th dimension of space. DH takes it and unscrews it to sip a few. The walking hare BDSM brings out 3 bottle of Italian Prosecco to entertain the hashers. This is why the three letters P mark is for these bottles of Prosecco. Duh Spot gushes that it is the best champagne he has ever drunk. Another running hare Blow Harder then stays Crash Test Dummy to show up as the last ones. CTD treats many hashers with his toothsome home-made muffins and he could have another Hash name known as Master Cookies. Karate and Just Victoria dance a ballroom dance. Anew, the hares shout for a few times for an Open Check before the hashers begin to move on. The dry canal unrolls a smooth trail for the precise and purposeful hashers.  The alert hashers like Pickle Boy and Finger My Dough fall in a complete fog about direction in a residential zone. The hare BH shouts a way out in good time. Turning off in the meandering hutongs to go back to the restaurant for a short trail. The answer is not a bit zero. But it’s a dull sky all the same.

On On…

Pickle Boy

Beijing. Tuesday,

December 04, 2018

By | December 4th, 2018|
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1411, 2018

BJHHH #1880: Midnight on Sesame Street

By | November 14th, 2018|Categories: Hash Trash|

Victims can see that morality without positive and rational belief is poisonous; law without independent checks and balances is murderous. A couple years ago, former Hash scribe Nowhere Man as hare took the hashers to [...]

511, 2018

BJHHH Hash#1879: Zombie Run

By | November 5th, 2018|Categories: Hash Trash|

For a certain zombie, it’s not doing something wrong that matters, but not being caught doing something wrong. They kneel down to lie and violence and have fallen into Satan’s slaves. All the spectators are [...]


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