Beijing HHH - Hash Trash

User Rating: / 3
PoorBest 

Well hashers can I say one thing? Does everyone know what "RSVP" means?  If not look it up just in case we have to take drastic measures next time…
The Hares have been desperate to take the group outside the city and begged to go to Huanghuacheng to hash on the wall.
No problem we thought set up an RSVP so we get the correct size bus and can price the trip to break-even.  Everything seemed to be going fine as I sat in Paddy's collecting RMB from all the hashers when to my surprise I hop ion the bus and we have 8 extra people standing in the aisle looking for a seat.  
A quick mis-management meeting under the cone of silence and we decided it was best not to disappoint our hashers (many of whom were in town visiting) as we were headed to one of the most picturesque sections of the wall so we commandeered another vehicle and through bodies inside and were off for a short 2 plus hour drive to the country side. Limp Tart had volunteered to ride in the cab and when no one else said they would too he began to cry.  We promised him a few beers for the ride and that we would get a few more riders – we had to select virgins so that they too could enjoy LT's singing.

Although Spiking Vikiing assured us he would keep the bus in sight he proceeded to head down the expressway at 200kmh. We called SV and said wait we are slow.  No problem he replied I will wait at Exit 7.  We arrived and off he went again at 200kmh.  With an occasional call to Dazed &Confused who was with SV we found our way and were greeted with light snow falling and the hares in a panic, thinking maybe flour wasn't the best for marking the trail this weekend.  People quickly adjusted their attire for the new weather forecast, we circled up and with our 10-12 virgins in front SV explained the marks.  This week D&C was excited because we had 2 beer stops again – whoo hoo (Thank you SV and Finger Lickin' Good - formally known as Aoda Li) for climbing the wall with a stash of beer for the scenic second beer stop).  Before we even headed out the Reverend had several pages of down-downs for the circle.
Giddy with excitement and the joy of knowing he had enough material to cull, the RSB was off the bus and prepared when SV yelled out "Open Check".

With great foresight the hares had selected a hidden line up through the hills to a small section of the village and after several more open checks and two-ways we found the first beer stop. Some foolhardy hasher (XXX perhaps) suggested to SV that this was too soon for a BBB to which he replied "oh you will need this stop…trust me"! The rather interesting beer stop included 3 lose toilets sitting around the courtyard and as people began to drink. That Funky Shit (still drunk from the night before) created our first casualty with a beer bottle falling to the ground and breaking. A little disoriented and embarrassed, TFS went and sat on one of the toilets.  With a group of 37 we were clearly overpowering to our beer stop host and her small courtyard so we gave a 2-minute warning and paid the tab.

As FLG bounced around excited to be haring, SV foreboding came true as we went straight up to an old tower on the wall and were told to wait for the rest at the top.  DH and Enzo and I knew there was a beer stash so we started looking and chanting "If I were a beer where would I hide?" without any luck.  SV chastised us and said you still haven't reached the top (aha another clue) so wait for the others, take some pictures and curb your addiction.  A bit harsh thought LSW.

The lightly falling flakes had only covered small patches on the surrounding hills and many of our hashers took photos while waiting. Lipipila, visiting from Bangkok, had a camera, video camera, microphone, karaoke machine and DVD player – a lot to carry but not when one is making history of some sort we thought (luckily he agreed to provide the hash a copy of the material shot this day – thank you…I think).

Once all were accounted for (this is important to note as it won't end that way once or was it twice Dude, Where's My Trail?).  So we continued to climb the shrub covered wall ever higher and sweating in the cold mountain air when we finally reached the top and began our mantra again with Nice `N Tart joining in.  A quick climb on a decrepit section and a small pile of rocks once removed yielded a 6-pack of cans of Yanjing.  So let's see 6-12 oz cans and 32 runners (5 walkers) seems like pretty sketchy math to the hares…so everyone enjoyed the views and most climbed on that piles of rocks for a beer…a mere shot glass worth per person (although we did have to surrender one can to the ones on the ground).

The hares promised a downhill return to A and we were off along the wall, similar to a slalom course as we zigged and zagged between shrubs. Soon we were hurdling down hill looking for flour among the snow and sliding on icy patches.  As we entered the chestnut orchards the trail flattened out and we sprinted towards the statue of the giant chestnut.  Another photo op and a chance to stretch those leg muscles.  Back on asphalt and headed downhill we caught the walkers just before reaching the bus. Pyromaniac used his coach's stopwatch to push us on to the finish.

Everyone quickly began changing into warmer clothes as the temperature dropped and snow continued to fall.  We were ready to begin the circle when SV said wait we are still missing 4 people so he drove off and 5 minutes later had them herded into home.  They quickly donned warm clothes and we circled up again… "Wait" someone yelled, where is Chris and Liyang.

After drinking for their mistake and the RSB treating us to the PDF show on the bus and hand holding in the bathroom stories (how did he witness this???)  (don't worry they drank for both of these and more), the hasher correctly stated where is "Dude, Where's My Trail?" to which DH suggested maybe it should be "Dude, Where's Your Trail?".

So off goes SV in his car one more time as we started the circle and D&C took the role of surrogate drinking hare.  I noticed that Snot had somehow convinced Gengis Cum to take over the Beer Bitch role (age before nationality or some Snotism like that I suppose). We got things rolling with our 10-12 virgins and it appears we can thank D&C because more and more are cuming via cyber sex although listening to "free Columbia" while we hash doesn't help the serene backdrop of this location.

After presenting a few 10 run patches it was on to the bigger item and that was Undulator's 150 Run Mug presentation and down-down with RSB story from the bus ride, where she suggested that she and XXX would share the Reverend's stick.

As the RSB continued his monologue he explained how the tapas from the prior night's TapAss party had forced him to tap ass many times on the toilet during the night.  He also noticed TFS short cutting the run today, not due to the twisted ankle but more likely the Mogolian GC chasing her on the wall.  There was destiny in the mix as the KFC employed Aoda Li was called forward for her naming. She dropped to her knees and we grabbed the flour and a little beer as the crowd cried out "Finger Lickin' Good!!!!!!!"  The RSB did his magic and What's Up Cock doused her in flour.  A few quick announcements and we were "On Food"…and then a 2-3 hour bus ride home at 35kmh…

On On

Moore Head