With Tap Ass and Head Cleaner haring today I didn’t expect many questions but through numerous phone calls that morning here are some snippets:

“I found a great restaurant, the food looks great and I want us to eat here.  The problem is they won’t let us bring in beer and they won’t negotiate the beer price” – TA

“How much for a beer?” – MH

“15 RMB” – TA

“Find another restaurant” – MH

“I found some marks from last weeks run what should we do, find a new area to run?” – TA

“Head Cleaner and I decided to cancel the hash today so we will just see everyone at the restaurant” – TA

“We decided NOT to have a beer stop as it is too cold” – TA

“You will pay dearly in the circle if you don’t change your minds” – MH

“Do you have any chalk?” – TA to MH

“Can you pick up some water” – TA to MH

And finally:

“Head Cleaner is sick and went home.” – TA

At this point I just figured it was more BS but as it turned out HC really was sick and after setting the trail with TA he headed home to rest up (too much beer the night before or maybe karaoke) so TA went to find a quick snack before the run started.  People were slowly gathering with the earliest arrivals being F That Monkey and Sir Song Man at 1:30PM.  As it got closer to 2 we were more an more worried about the lady of the day…Limbo Bitch still hadn’t arrived!  I guess she was determined to blow out her last nights in Beijing and enjoyed a late night of drinking and revelry before showing up at exactly 2PM for the run looking dehydrated.  I bestowed upon her a sash for the day that stated “FOYW” on the back and “LIMBO BITCH” on the front. She commented later that while her daughter didn’t know these words she certainly would be asking what it said.

We were blessed with good weather and clear skies and stood at 20 strong.  Master Baker showed up to walk the non-existent “walker’s trail” by himself as Undulator has begun running again with her broken arm – you can’t keep a runner down for long!  TA explained the marks, No virgins today, and said there “might” be a beer stop (I warned you).  A riot ensued with Dazed & Confused leading the rebel forces and eventually order was restored when Adrian promised a beautiful trail and a beer stop.  With that we were “Open Check” and after a few minutes found the trail.

The hares made the mistake of looping the first section and half the group missed the “On Left” mark and headed straight, which was still on trail but missed about 1/2 Kilometer.  Fortunately with everyone still hungover and a few more open checks and two/three ways we had the group back together again.  As we dropped down to the canal with half the group on high trail and half on low, Tap Ass inquired is anyone running up above and we said sure – He commented “I guess they don’t want to follow marks”.

It had been a rough start with a few 2 ways hidden behind poles, etc and the group was beginning to wonder if any marks were actually laid out on the trail.  With that the canal trail narrowed and we had to help everyone scale the wall back to the high side and then a quick “On Left” dead ending with a check back by the railroad tracks and a men’s toilet (two fantastic smells when hungover)!  We were back on trail and up to a hash hold through bushes and parks for a group photo.

LB proceeded to pass out like she was making a snow angel and D&C immediately administered mouth to mouth, after making sure Feels Like A Chick approved the medical emergency.  With another “kiss” notch in LB’s belt she revived and we were “Open Check” which took us across the bridge to the Ming Wall relics via a very narrow shoulder.  It did seem that marks were now more frequent and visible, although I did see TA laying additional marks as he ran…As we approached Maggie’s Bar the hashers all stopped with no indication of trail and the hope that this was the beer stop.  While waiting a number of hashers went into the bathroom in Maggie’s to enjoy the photos of couples having sex in bathroom stalls in the bathroom stalls.

I guess “sex photos” didn’t do it justice so LB proceeded to describe the blow jobs, sexual positions, etc.  In the meantime a worker moved his trash wagon and there was the next mark “On Right”.  While hashers bribed or fought the bouncers to view the pictures we waited.  At this point we also realized that we had lost Circus Freak and LOTRJobs.  Even Bonnie Shot didn’t know where her man was…the group decided they must be front runners plus with 2 of 20 missing we stilled were at the acceptable 10% loss rule.  With group think in full force and everyone horny from the pictures we were “On On” (Perhaps a plot by TA and HC to distract us from the Beer Stop problem).  The hashers however quickly came to their senses and asked TA where the beer stop was and he responded not very far now.  Well the “Beer Stop”, “Home” and “Food” were all the same.  At least we could finally drink!!!  And Master Baker already was… Everyone quickly got on warm clothes as we moved the circle to a public exercise area.  With the Reverend on holiday and no Piles today, abusing the Hare and crying about LB became the keys to drinking.

We were also treated to another fantastic lyricist in Sir Song Man.  We welcomed everyone to the circle and began the abuse.  I called Penis Envy in for stating, while climbing the wall, that she couldn’t get her leg that high; quickly followed by LB saying “Don’t get me started”.  I explained how it took until the last 100 meters for LB to embarrass herself when she told another hasher “Oh you weren’t at the Xmas Party…I was bargaining for a dildo!”.  Accusations grew quickly and the Hare continued to be abused for the shitty trail.

While we waited to sing “FOYW” to Limbo Bitch she was off gathering MiniMe’s meimei by the Silk Market so she could join us for dinner.  This allowed many more down downs and singing.  With LB safely back with meimei we treated her to a roaring/sobbing rendition of “FOYW” and then we were “On Food”.  One other note at dinner, the hare said he couldn’t stay as he had to go work…we decided it was only fair that he do a “Bottle Down Down” to equal the drinks he would miss during the meal.  He gladly obliged and was “On Work”.  After dinner a number of us retired to Tim’s for a nightcap where we found Limp Tart enjoying some food and beer.  While the rest of us drank beer and wine, Penis Envy enjoyed two cups of “oily coffee” and told us how Americans take pills for everything!!!  With LB in the dog house but wanting to make it last we powered through for a bit longer and then said our good byes so she could go home and get ready for that Air China flight in the morning.

LB you will be missed!  Have fun in New York!

On On

Moore Head