Guess we should have called this the Phantom Memorial of the Phantom Memorial Run (more on that later).  So the cold weather is truly upon us and with quickly dropping temperatures many are wary of the time spent running, in the circle and at beer stops, especially when Little Sai Wanker announced that it would be -4 degrees C by 5 PM.

Sounded daunting but the hashers keep showing up and even when the bag car was loaded out pops the Reverend out of breath (more on that later).  We were blessed with a large group and three lucky virgins for this epic run beginning at the Luftansa Center/You Yi Shopping Mall.  The Hares were introduced (everybody still chuckles at Sticky Short Shaft) and explained the marks to our virgins.  Again a bit of inconsistency on the marks as open checks would mostly have “On On” after the first mark and 2 and 3 ways would mostly be “On” after 2 or 3 marks.  Not to mention this strange circle with 3 “PH”s.  We soon learned this was a Beer Stop but what language we thought…the Hares educated us all by saying it was clearly Australian and it was in memory of Phantom and his guarantee of 2 beer stops no matter the weather or temperature (more on that later).


We quickly learned that the Hares (walking and running) needed better coordination as “Open Check” was called and the walkers and running hares headed east on Liangmaqiao.  I think you are supposed to let us find the marks first than go – Maybe Dry Hole can work on this and a couple of kinks:


  • Re-introduce the “Near Beer” marks
  • Reduce the marks on tree trunks.


Well I waited at the bag car for the Reverend to store his gear then turned around and saw no sign of the runners or walkers.  We scanned the area and finally spotted the Bakers (Mastur and Ma) with their dog in tow.  We quickly caught up and the Hare said this way and the walkers said this way so we went thataway and saw no marks and no runners.  Thinking we would have to backtrack next to the US Embassy we suddenly saw we were actually ahead of all the runners as Adam Starr came into view with Limbo Bitch.  Thinking we could just sneak back into the pack we ducked next to the wall and waited and waited and waited…oh yeah there is a left turn just prior to our hiding place so we were off and back on trail.  After ducking through alleyways and construction the Reverend disappeared only to jump out from behind the bushes winded again (nothing more on this later).

We reached our first “PH PH PH” and while drinking our canned beer, SSS explained how three doors up was a red awning with a Chinese Dog Restaurant.  This seemed a bit odd until we remembered that just a block the other way is the ICVS Pet Hospital (coincidence…).  While many of us enjoyed the beer Piles refused to listen to everyone’s warning and immediately began petting the white pussy…and in pub(l)ic no less.  We finished quickly and were “Open Check” but wait, Clueless revealed the trail as she said this way guys.
We also discovered that one hare was dyslexic although we never discovered who it was but there were plenty of reverse “h”s on the trail today.  As we ventured on through the city we were treated to some off-roading on flour and chalk marks on trees (who came up with that one and who knew it would work).  In route to our second “PH” stop SSS said oh it isn’t too much further so we immediately began scouring the area around each market we passed but no “PH”.  Just as we entered the Lido area my phone rings and it is SSS asking “Where are you?”  I explained right next to the two Korean restaurants why – we are on trail.  He said you missed the beer stop.  We later learned that the “PH” actually couldn’t be seen by the runners as it was elevated and away from the trail.  The 7 of us immediately stopped and had our own beer stop, sorry Phatom no “PH” at that one.  Off for the final 3rd of our trip we headed down by the river…so here is where it gets tricky (nice work Hares) yellow chalk today’s hash, perfectly preserved WHITE chalk from Phantom’s Memorial run.  3 hours before a run and they sweep the chalk away 3 months after a Phantom run and they leave the marks – guess it was that “Memorial” part.  Anyway the Hares at a very short overpass had written “ONLY follow the yellow marks”.  LSW and Mark Handelman missed that and ran a random white marked route and ended up making it to the restaurant.  The rest of us stayed on trail and with hundreds of meters between marks, were many times more confused.  
Spermaid, Clueless and SSS were also kind enough to run us past the closest Ditie station so we could all stumble home.  We arrived at the circle and SSS and Spermaid were deep in conversation when to Limbo Bitch’s and all hashers dismay we heard “Did you remember to buy the circle beer?” and the answer no one wants to hear “No”.  Thank goodness we were blessed with a restaurant that had extremely well priced beer and the Hares were saved.  I think I heard a few cuss words as hashers said the beer isn’t even cold to which LSW responded it bloody freezing out here and you want ice cold beer.  We started the circle with virgins and LTNS and were blessed with the human juke box, Jolly Green Knob.  Give the man credit we asked for a Texas song – he delivered, we asked for an S&M song – he delivered and on and on…truly amazing.  
Yet when Breakfast Included was brought in he didn’t have a broken bone song but promised to find one.  About this time our two Full Moon GM’s, Dazed and Confused and Trixxy Shubba, arrived.  D&C interrupted the circle and the Reverend by going around shaking hands and hugging fellow hashers.  Not to worry the Reverend found his path again and punished many more hashers even those ingenious enough to use a mitten as a beer huggie (What’s Up Cock).  We discovered that the hash social at Chocolate at 7:30ish should have been 11ish as folks went on and on about the show and Spiking Viking said I was there and no one showed – Somebody’s bedtime was too early I suppose.  The circle finished with the announcements for the BIG XMAS WEEKEND (See above and please get signed up quickly).

BTW – Thank you Hares for finding an amazing restaurant (not much to look at but the food was amazing).  “On Food”

On On

Moore Head