THE HARE’S VERSION
Run 1425 Nixon’s visit to Mao commemoration run was hared by Circus Freak and Bonnie Shot (absentee) starting in the beautiful Tiananmen Square under the great Helmsman’s watchful eye. Enzo Ferrari returned from where only the Hash God’s know where and began drinking a ceremonious Yan Jing in honor of Nixon’s visit. Dry Hole was suspiciously eyeing the crowd for undercover police men.
Circus Freak organized a bag taxi to take the bags to the restaurant and threw them on the curb shouting to the wait staff that he’ll be back later and not to steal anything obvious. The run was started telephonically and Moore Head led the pack West past the entrance to the forbidden palace.
Shortly after they hooked up with Circus Freak on the lawn of the “Steel Egg Floating in Water” or the National Music Hall that sits to the West of Tiananmen. CF asked MH if he could call Master Baker as he was leading the walking pack blind. Due to planetary alignment, interstellar solar flairs and a multitude of other excuses CF had forgot to give the walkers directions and the restaurants name card. At this point it was noticed that Pyro was walking behind the runners.
MH asked if he knew where he was going then guided him back under MB wing. I suspect that he wasn’t lost but that he saw the National Music hall as the next target of his pyromania affliction. Luckily it is surrounded by water. From there the trail headed SE where CF took off after some professional looking bike riders for a short race however in his enthusiasm he ran right past a two way and all the other runners followed along. It would be wise for virgin’s and visitors to note that the only reason CF can run fast is because he always goes the wrong way and has to run back to catch up to the pack.
The first beer stop was found by all except DH who seems to think that CF purposefully hides / mis-marks all beer stops. There were some small Chinese Children playing by the beer stop so Wasabi being Japan and Toyta’s international ambassador of goodwill began conversing with them. She expounded upon the phenomenal safety benefits of Toyota’s and told them of Japan’s goodwill towards China.
I think she even convinced two of the kids to buy a Toyota! From there we were on in to Qian men street fighting our way through a crowd of at least 3000 people. shortly after Piles and a few others ducked into a dark alley where CF and Piles enjoyed some chuanr of questionable safety and origin. When the FRB’s caught up (DH&MH) we were on on again. It was into the hutongs which are always a favorite of the BJH3 as they provide the true sites and smells of the city.
From here the markings became more…….challenging… but the FRB’s did a wonderful job of not complaining and driving on. At the second Beer Stop Wasabi wanted to eat an egg but could not decide on Duck or Chicken when an older Beijing man wearing a furry hat, green guard coat drinking a Yanjing da ping with half an eaten egg in his hands and the other half stuck in the gaps of his teeth recommended that she eat both. We promptly invited him to run with us to which he responded “Xing” with another mouth full of putrefying egg. At this point CF noticed that the store attendant was disconcerted at how slowly DH was drinking his beer.
CF began querying DH on this very matter. How ever while CF was throwing verbal darts DH was feverishly throwing back Yanjing. DH finished his beer leaving CF in second. A minute later Moore Head finished his beer at which point the store attendant announced that he was in 3rd place signifying this by wagging her little finger at him. From there it was a short and somewhat confusing trail to the on home which was improperly marked if marked at all.
In the end everyone made it home safe though. The circle was was RA’ed by MH who not unlike Ferris Bueller’s principal unceremoniously introduced the two virgins to the pack. He was followed by DH as the reverend since the Rev. Slack Bladder was MIA. It seemed that he is far along in his apprenticeship even though it was discovered earlier that he lacked a British sense of humor when he failed to laugh at CF’s jokes (ask him about the carbon footprint). The singers where audibly absent from this circle but we struggled on like 1st graders at a Christmas performance impressing bystanders waiting at the bus stop not 10 meters away. We enjoyed Islamic Hot Pot for dinner… I think.
In the end Piles and a drunk CF tried to reinstate the singing of “SWING LOW” at the end of every hash making for probably the worst duet ever heard in that small restaurant. Piles promises it will be sung again next week however so be prepared.
THE RUNNER’S VERSION
I am back!!!!
So in the interest of random dates and events – Circus Freak found this was the 38th anniversary of Richard Nixon (a.k.a. America’s only criminal, could be convicted – well sort of, that was in the white house) and his trip to China. Numerous Wikipedia references were made all more random than any others until we heard they sent Alexander Haig to Badaling while the rest of them went to Jinshangling…Anyway everyone was again warned about beatings should they neglect to wear US-China gear to show the bound between the two countries. We had all kinds from an Oba Mao shirt on Aoda Li, a home-made “Nixon” button for Circus Freak, a Chinese Flag for me and Dry Hole’s famous USA flag with two hands and two US flags. Not to be outdone, Cock Lobster suggested that he was dressed as a peasant. With a number of folks showing up at the every busy Tian’anmen East we threw our bags in the car while CF explained he was the only hare because Bonnie Shot forgot she had to work…He left and we explained the marks to our two virgins while we awaited his return. Next came a phone call – one of many during the first half of the run from CF saying hey take the runners this way then this way…and I will meet everyone by the “Egg”. So with that we were “Open Check”. As we headed out I noticed Pyromaniac walking by himself (please note CF had not instructed any of the walkers and Cock Lobster and Mastur Baker were walking 100 yards behind), so I suggested that he may want to walk with them since CF would call MB with instructions.
So as we looked for our first mark and found nothing, I led the group as instructed. We only saw 3 marks over the first 2-3K, one of which seemed to indicate in US military jargon go to the SE corner of the Egg. CF and I called MB and got them going while DH and Spiking Viking, our FRBs got way ahead of the group only to be found later aimlessly looking for more marks. At least CF delivered two beautiful weather Sundays for his last two harings but with no rain how do you explain no marks – we all know he can put marks high enough the Chinese can’t sweep/clean them up!! Shortly after regrouping we found a two way, as I headed down the alley on one, one two and then Oh Shit I circled back to DH and SV looking the other direction. After we ran around for 10 minutes my phone rings and it is CF saying hey we are at the beer stop where are you? He blamed the Oh Shit on a prior hash, although the chalk matched exactly with forensic testing after the run…A discussion ensued with SV agreeing to hare with Aoda Li (virgin hare) but Wasabi Geisha wanted to help so SV thought great I will let them do it to which WG said I am a virgin hare too so SV was back on but as he said “I like being the meat in the sandwich”.
We all headed out again and into the “New” shopping area made to look old which just happened to have 2 billion people going the opposite direction of the hash trail. We all got lost again looking for marks when low and behold my phone rings and CF says where are you guys? I told him and he talked us through our escape and back on trail to the second beer stop. At this point only CF, DH and I were drinking beer. While discussing carbon footprints (CF says he wears one size smaller shoe so he not only uses fewer materials but also has a smaller “actual” footprint – like I said we were the only ones drinking) – next thing we know the woman shopkeeper is calling DH out for drinking too slowly so he takes the challenge and downs his beer, then she starts in on me so I finish mine and we figure it is time to go.
We headed out for the end of the run and again found very few marks, we even ran past the restaurant not once but twice…well at least we didn’t loose anyone or did we. Where’s Enzo? The remaining walkers arrived with him in tow. Apparently we lost him after the first beer stop in the crowd and he had been running around for an hour looking for the rest of the group and found the walkers. As we prepared to circle up, we realized we needed a surrogate hare to drink with CF so Pyro’s wife agreed to drink. I finally delivered SV’s 100 run mug and gave DH a big beer sized hugger with a hand strap for helping these last few weeks. DH was happy enough to stand in for the Reverend as our RA (after all the weather was beautiful). He made many improvements besides just being American…he used a digital device instead of pen and paper to document the groups antics and quickly took over punishment. He hit everyone including the virgins. He wowed the group with many down downs for tiger petting, cheetah petting and just petting in general…With a gorgeous day accusations took on a life of their own and continued while the restaurant owner took photo after photo of our group. MB realized that today the “EU” outnumbered the Americans by 1 and punished us twice. Of course “fashion on the hash” broke out with the sagging spandex butt of SV. We wrapped up announcements and were On Food…