MSNBC, 3 Namings, Beautiful Weather, A True Songmeister (or Maestro)…and plenty of beer. Now that is a Sunday Hash and yes we did run 12.7K before forcing everyone on the Ditie back to the restaurant. Everyone chip in and buy the hares a GPS!!!
With the pump primed for our visitors from MSNBC, a group of 30 showed up for this week’s hash, and it only included 2 Virgins (although Bad Company tried to claim he was a virgin when he saw two lovely ladies in the circle) and 5 LTNS. The RA Reverend Slackbladder delivered yet again with the weather as we had beautiful skies and a toasty 34 degrees to run in.
As several of us interviewed with Simon, Ozren and Julia from MSNBC before heading out, including prepping me with a microphone to wear while running, Jolly Green Knob arrived ready to let his lungs and legs get some exercise and the newly named Hash Cookies (formerly know as Kerry) took over hash cash duties.
We introduced everyone as the cameras began to roll. The Hares, Fuck That Monkey and Hard To Live With, were kind enough to keep us in the shade of some nearby parks as we worked our way up to the Bird’s Nest and Olympic Park. Great for the hashers but tough on the camera crew as that kept leapfrogging runners to get footage and a comment from their host.
The Hares promised that 75% of the run could be filmed from the van. The good news with from the start was that the first beer stop would be in 2-3K and boy was it a welcome sight. As Julia and Simon walked around talking to hashers I couldn’t help but notice that Julia still looked as fresh as when she started – which I commented on to her as I looked around at this raggedy bunch of runners. While we drank our cold beer Simon asked if he could mike up another hasher. I asked what he was looking for on camera, an old-timer, conversationalist, interesting character or a newbie? He said all but the last one so of course we hooked up Snot to run along with the sexy Julia for what the Hares said would be an easy 2-3K with a beer stop near the water cube.
Unfortunately for the camera folks as they transitioned to the van near the Bird’s Nest they discovered that were headed into the Olympic Park and no cars could come near. As I pimped the hares for information they said tell them we will go out the same South gate in a bout 30 minutes. After 15 minutes at the beer stop, while folks caught up and we discovered that we were at 8.5K not 4-6K, the MSNBC translator kept calling and asking how much longer… so again I pimp the Hares and they say 30 minutes of running in the park so I relay this information.
Back “On On” towards the lake and it soon became obvious that we had a far greater voyage than FTM had claimed. As an hour went past and we were still on the northeast side of the lake, FTM went down with cramps (not the time of the month ones that Pussy Problem was suffering from) but calf cramps so he hopped a 4 wheel bike to head back to Ditie and the restaurant to salvage the day with cold beer for the hashers.
After conferring with HTLW we decided to take the most direct route back to Ditie and then ride to the restaurant together. At this point I had asked MSNBC to meet us at the circle. When we finally made it to the Ditie we were at 12.7K and would have had another 2-3K to get “On Home”. As Snot and Rumpy Pumpy emerged from the woods we all loaded up on the empty Ditie train and made the trip back sweating all over the locals as they loaded at each stop.
Once back we discovered FTM was still trying to get the cold beer but not to fear as the camera crew was getting ready and the RSB needed 5-10 minutes to prepare, after all this was 15 minutes of fame! The locals were getting interested and while LSW and the walking hare, Finger Licking Good, worked on food issues with the restaurant, we gathered the troops and had Piles bring a bag of flour.
A naming or 2 or 3 was comin’. With much fanfare and even a drink from Simon’s new shoes, guess I forgot to warn him! The Reverend was on and boy was he. I guess some folks thought they should “dress special” for the camera so we had no less than 6 fashion on the hash candidates. I lost my train of thought for a moment as LSW suggested offline that we may need to change restaurants but luckily it all worked out and I could go back to concentrating on the abuse that RSB lay before us. Even he wore a new and suave Rat Pack hat for his performance. Our Maestro continued to wow the crowd and the cameras with the amount of “bleeping” that this broadcast would require (Simon assured me he prefers it to be real and loves “bleeping” shit out). The RSB brought in D&C for tricking some locals to get on a “terminus” Ditie car as it turned around to come back and pick-up the rest of us on the other side of the platform.
As the accusations flew and D&C broke out the “Cock of Chame” for the hares and LSW, the crowd was getting anxious… what could it be… I explained to crowd that today was to be a great day. We would have not 1, not 2 but 3 baptisms…even the RSB was nervous for the amount of energy this would take. We began by calling in Julia and having her remove her shoes, socks and get on her knees and with the power vested in RSB he named her “Julia Does Her Jing”. We had to clean it up a bit after suggestions of Cums Every 5 Years and Julia Loves BJ were slightly risqué for the viewing audience. As she began to clean up we called in Kerri Jernigan and after the removal of appropriate items the RSB named her “Hash Cookies”. DH if you had been present you could have been a stronger voice for Ass Cookies but the crowd has spoken. And finally as we called in Tom Howard, D&C explained that his Mother actually hashed with him in the womb, therefore the crowd decided that the RSB should name him “Placenta”.
With much celebration for the new namings and two crates of beer almost gone we sent FTM to get another crate for dinner (we had approx. 25-26 staying for the meal) and I am proud to say that only 8 remained full by the close of dinner.
After some quick announcements we closed the circle and were “On Food”.