Haters gonna hate, playas gonna play and hashers gonna hash. And that is exactly what took place this past Sunday . The Hares, Cock Sorcerer and Tubectomy, demonstrated their faith in even the most directionally challenged hashers by having their starting point on the outskirts of middle of nowhere, Beijing. Some call this location Xinglong Park. Cock Sorcerer looked nervous by the relatively small showing of Hashers at the typical starting time of 2:00. But as all hashers know, our typical starting time is anything but, so in the next half-hour, the number of hashers doubled, including the first appearance of any (contributing) members of mismanagement. Pony was actually there, but was about as helpful as the members who were absent.. No new runners this week though… perhaps for the best. This was a particularly “hashy” hash, which is not for the eyes of virgins. Not to mention there was no Walkers Hare… but don’t worry hashers- in the words of Cock Sourcerer “Um… we have a map…”. Brilliant. Nevertheless, the chaos was overcome and the run began.

After a short stint, the hashers came to the one and only beer stop. The walkers were a bit behind, but the runners didn’t want their beer to get cold so they partook immediately. When the walkers reached the beer stop, it did not take long before hashers dominated the immediate vicinity… the smart ones in the sun across the street, the oblivious ones in the shade. Regardless, beer was poured and consumed. Annie took the role of Hash Trash to a new level and began collecting the cups and bottles and it didn’t take long for Lil Sai Wanker to point that out to the group. Lucy respectively threw out her half full bottle of water (half empty for the emo hashers) and was moderately mocked/admired by fellow hashers. Before long, the runners were off again.

Despite the on home chalk signaling us to the second A in the supposed A to A run, Dry Hole took it upon himself to go the top of a nearby overpass and call the runners up to join him. While on the overpass, Lucy began coughing to which Dry Hole advised that she stop smoking. Outdoing his sarcasm, she proclaimed herself a Emphysemic Whore, mentioning she needs to stop smoking but not whoring. Cock Sorcerer regained control of the group and we went out to the circle. It has been said by some (ie. Jolly Green Knob) that the Hares picked the location for the circle in the middle of a wind tunnel. It wasn’t long before beers were handed out and the traditions began. Some notable moments: Pony received maple leafs from Kiss My Maple Leaf in exchange for a literal and figurative ass kissing; Pretty Woman called Lucy out for claiming that girls with long fingers don’t need boyfriends; Pony brought Ricky into the circle for reasons that have yet to be determined; Dry Hole brought Annie into the circle for taking Hash Trash too literally; Amnesia, forgetting where he was (or did he?), joined the circle from inside the warmth of the restaurant; once again, the Germans in the group got their shout out for one reason or another and not an accusation went by that Jolly Green Knob didn’t contribute a wildly inappropriate and therefore appropriate Hash Song. Before long, everyone went in for dinner.

Not long into the food being served, the restaurant owner (clearly intoxicated, yet debatably wearing more alcohol on his shirt than actually consumed) began singing a Chinese song and began wandering the room, stopping only to take a drink with (ie. totally creep out) Annie, Pork Scratchings and Horny on Top. Before long, the hashers took the mic and made a playlist that initially resembled the “This Is It” soundtrack (shout-out MJ!) but eventually switched to a never-ending rendition of American Pie, a Japanese song sung by Wasabi Geisha along with a few far-too-confident (not to mention non-Japanese) hashers as backup, and Oops I Did it Again (who would have thought BJHHH was a safe haven for closet Britney fans?). To accompany the horrific singing, the cinematography to go along with the songs was equally entertaining (ie’ Like a Virgin = with a women in a bath with clothes on dreaming of a male model dancing in firefighter outfit? YES.) The loud (not to mention stellar) performances of the hashers drew the attention of the bystanders walking through the mall outside the restaurant. Normally conservative Pyro and Amnesia were spotted dancing.

It was about now that Piles made his record-breaking late arrival, coming well after dinner. What song encouraged his behavior is debatable, but Heidi decided that then was the time and there was the place to turn his shirt into a makeshift bra. The first sound system enhanced version of “Swing Low” brought the night to a close and the BJHHH kept their street cred as a drinking group with a running problem. Peace, love and hotwings hashers!


Annie and Ricky