Golden Rules for the Hares
If there were any rules, these rules would be….
Feel like Haring?
Contact our Harerazors (Super Squirter or All Asshole, No Sack) to sign up to hare!!!
It’s that time of year again… eh, whatever. I write pretty much the same thing every year. Point is, I’m here to tell you wankers—the annual Sauna Hash is back!
I’m sure a lot of you can hardly contain yourselves. Those hashers who only know how to drink beer, nurse hangovers, and rely on rain for a shower have been building up a thick layer of grime on their bodies. They’ve been waiting all year for this Sauna Hash—a chance to jump into the sauna pool, then find a bath attendant to take an angle grinder to them for a full-body polish. Sorry though, no happy ending this time. This is China, so those hashers who just got back from Thailand might be a little disappointed.
Of course, for Hash, going to the sauna is like having sex. Don’t even think about going in rough and straight—that’s fucking rape! You’ve got to have some foreplay before you dive right in. So we’ll be doing our foreplay in 798, since the art district has such a strong artistic vibe, it’ll bring a little romance to the sauna experience
When you wankers have been wandering around 798 till you’re all flushed, breathing heavy, and just about ready to get straight to the point… boom! The sauna will be your perfect happy ending!
Hash cash:
30 for the trail and circle, sauna pay on your own (price is around 99-139).
Bring your passport(non Chinese citizens) or ID(Chinese citizens)!!! Not a photo, not a passport number, not a visa page’s tattoo on your buttocks……you need to bring an actual passport!
Your Hares:
Walking Hare: Too Hot To Handle, Just Catherine
Running Hare: Singaporn Star
Trail:
Trail is A-B with no bag drop.
Dress Code and Haberdashery:
Wear your hash gear pls! If you still don’t have any, buy some you wankers!
Hairy Hashers
Neither trail nor sauna is dog-friendly
When:
Saturday, March 28, 1:30pm meet up 2:00pm start
On-after:
On sauna of course, you wankers! Why would anyone go to Paddy’s when you can hit up a sauna?
D’erections to meet up spot:
Line 12, Gaojiayuan subway station, exit C
12号线，高家园地铁站C口
WE NEED HARES!!!
Need a guide for haring?
Check this very comprehensive guide prepared by our On-Sec for your delight!
- Select General Run Area
- Discuss with your co-hare the area you are interested. Ideally away from areas we have run in the past four weeks.
- Discuss with your co-hare the area you are interested. Ideally away from areas we have run in the past four weeks.
- Select Restaurant:
- If the hashers are to meet at a metro station, the hash restaurant should be less than 1km away.
- Scan the menu. Most dishes should range from 10 RMB to 50 RMB, with the average to be about 30 RMB. Make sure there are vegetarian options.
- Negotiate with Restaurant:
- Ask if the restaurant is ok with storing hashers’ bags from 2:30pm to 5:30pm in the winter (or during summer 3:30pm to 6:30pm). If not, you can arrange a bag car to safekeep hashers’ bags or go to another restaurant.
- Beer – Negotiate! Should be less than 7 RMB / bottle. The other option is to buy outside beer and bring into the restaurant. Ask the restaurant if this is ok.
- Ask if the restaurant is ok with taking delivery and storing Sponsored Beer in a fridge until day of hash.
- Sometimes the restaurant asks for a deposit. This is ok but do not commit to a minimum number of tables. For winter months you can say 1 to 3 tables and for fair-weathered months you can tell them 2 to 4 tables. Tell them that you will give them more accurate numbers around 2:30pm (3:30pm summer).
- Dining area – Private room or off to a corner away from the other regular diners is best.
- Restaurant Cooperative?
- Easygoing restaurant manager or staff goes a long way. It is your judgment call. Beer price and bag storing are often the main sticking points. Don’t be afraid to walk out at this stage to find a more cooperative restaurant.
- Easygoing restaurant manager or staff goes a long way. It is your judgment call. Beer price and bag storing are often the main sticking points. Don’t be afraid to walk out at this stage to find a more cooperative restaurant.
- Select Circle Location:
- Privacy is best although not always possible. Side street is better than main street where foot traffic is high. Small parks by residential neighborhoods are ok if it is not right outside someone’s apartment window. Sometimes the hash restaurant has a suitable indoor or outdoor space, negotiate with them.
- Ideally should be less than 1km away from the restaurant.
- Ideally should be less than 500m away from a beer shop.
- Select Beer Vendor Near the Circle Site:
- This is for the circle beer. Usually you need 1 to 3 crates depending on the temperature and number of people. Cost is normally 4 RMB / bottle. The 4 RMB includes a 0.5 RMB deposit, which you will get back from the vendor when you return the bottle. Each beer crate also has a deposit of 50 RMB, same principle. Past experience indicates that the hares are usually too drunk to manage the math by the time they return the bottles. Good luck.
- In the summer it is critical to ask the vendor to put the beer in the refrigerator a few hours before the circle. Half the time the vendor ignores our request or does a very poor job of icing the beer. Do whatever is in your powers (legally) to get this message across.
- Scout Full Trail (Ideally 8 to 10km) Starting from the Restaurant
- One way to do this is to look at a map of the area, select key points of interest (a park, a temple, scenic spot, etc.), then connect the dots and bring this map to your scouting trip. Adjust as you go because the map may show a road that goes through when in fact it does not.
- Beer stops: Generally two to three beer stops. Have them evenly spaced if possible.
- Walker’s trail should be about half or two-thirds of the distance of the runner’s trail. It would be nice to plan both trails so that they arrive at the same beer stops at the same time.
- If you will not have a walking hare on Sunday, note the walker’s trail carefully and make a walker’s maps for use on day of the run.
- If you will incur extra costs (booze, parks, etc.), talk to mismanagement (GM & Hash Cash) at least one week ahead of time.
- Arrange Chalk, Cups, Walkers Maps
- It is not so easy to find Chalk, so buy it in advance. The stationery store inside the Sanlitun JingKeLong has chalk. Otherwise convenience stores in very local neighborhoods or toy stores tend to have them. The big fat ones are only available overseas.
- Although we ask hashers to run/walk with their hash plastic mugs, it is a good idea to still bring some paper cups along for the beer stops.
- If you have no walking hare and not so confident of the walking trail markings, draw a walkers map in advance and make a few photocopies.
- Inform WebWank of Run Info
- Do so before Wednesday Noon.
- Email below to beijinghhh@gmail.com and the two WebWanks
- A funny name, picture and write up (check hash.cnfor inspiration)
- The hares’ names
- A detailed address for the restaurant and the nearest crossroads, plus directions from the nearest subway exit (make sure to list the exit letter). Include a map. Make sure the address is correct and directions are clear. Drop a location pin on the WeChat group day of.
If the AQI is > 269 on Sunday morning, you can have your hash at Paddy’s and keep your shitty trail for next time! If this happens, alert everyone by 11AM and one hare needs to go to the restaurant location and direct hashers to Paddy’s
- Visit the Restaurant (Day of Run)
- Reconfirm the reservation and find out where we will store hashers’ bags.
- Inform restaurant that dinner will be around 5:30pm (or 6:30pm in the summer)
- Order Food for One Table (Before the Hash Starts on Sunday!)
- If each table (Chinese restaurant round table) has 10 people, order food at a budget of 350 RM per table. Usually hashers request an additional dish or soft drinks at dinner. This way you can make the budget of 40 RMB/person more easily.
- Tell the restaurant that you will inform them of number of tables at 2:30pm (or 3:30pm in the summer).
- Reconfirm with Circle Beer Vendor
- Check that they have enough beer on hand.
- If it is summer, ask them to ice the beer then.
- Double-check Circle Location Availability
- Sometimes the circle location becomes blocked with cars etc and you may need to find an alternative location.
- Sometimes the circle location becomes blocked with cars etc and you may need to find an alternative location.
- Mark the Trail:
- Stick to one color and put marks on poles when possible. If you see any old hash marks on your trail, cross them out.
The Marks
- “On On” – The right trail:
- “Open Check” – Any direction within 100m. First “On On” mark indicates the correct trail:
- “Three Way” –
- One of the three directions is correct. (Or one of the two in the case of a “Two Way”)
- The first “On On” mark after the Three Way is On One.
- The second “On On” mark is On Two.
- The third “On On” mark is On On. You have found the right trail!
- “False Trail” or “Oh Shxt!”:
- If you see this mark at the end of a Two Way or Three Way, go back and try another direction:
- “Hash Hold” or “Hash Halt” – Stop and wait for others to arrive before continuing:
- “Beer Stop” – Stop and wait for others to arrive and drink the nectar of the gods!:
- “Walker’s Trail” – This is the only mark to indicate the correct walker’s trail:
- Buy & Bring Bottled Water to Front of Restaurant
- Usually 1 to 1.5 RMB per bottle. In the winter, plan 1 bottle per person. In the summer, plan 1.5 to 2 bottles per person. Take remaining bottles of water to the circle later.
- Usually 1 to 1.5 RMB per bottle. In the winter, plan 1 bottle per person. In the summer, plan 1.5 to 2 bottles per person. Take remaining bottles of water to the circle later.
- Wait at Meeting Point
- Arrive by 1:30pm (summer time 2:30pm) so we can start on time at 2pm (summer time 3pm)
- Arrive by 1:30pm (summer time 2:30pm) so we can start on time at 2pm (summer time 3pm)
- Obtain # of Hashers Staying for Dinner from Hash Cash
- Inform Restaurant # of Tables
- Explain the Marks to Virgins
- Assign one hare to write down common hash marks on the ground at the run start.
- Inform GM that hares are ready. GM announces run number and hands over to the hares.
- Hare explains the marks to virgins. Can offer hares’ mobile phone numbers and hand out restaurant business cards to virgins.
- Hand out chalk to the fast and medium-fast runners; ask them to mark the correct way as they solve each three-way or open check.
- Separate the runners and walkers and note the respective number of people. Point out the walking hare to the walkers or hand a few copies of the walker’s map to the walkers.
- Have your trail blessed by the RA
- Sweep Slow Runners During Run
- One hare should be the sweeping hare. Make sure virgins come back in one piece.
- Take note of spending at beer stops to aid subsequent settlement with Hash Cash.
- Obtain Updated # of Hashers Staying for Dinner from Hash Cash
- Hashers often change their minds about dinner. Ask Hash Cash again after the run for the latest. Sometimes you need an additional table!
- Hashers often change their minds about dinner. Ask Hash Cash again after the run for the latest. Sometimes you need an additional table!
- Inform Restaurant Updated #’s
- This may mean that the original private room is no longer suitable. You may need to move to the main dining area.
- This may mean that the original private room is no longer suitable. You may need to move to the main dining area.
- Bring Beer, Cups to the Circle
- Bring Hashers to the the Circle
- In the winter the sun can go down as early as 4:50pm. Manage your time carefully so that there is still daylight in the circle.
- In the winter the sun can go down as early as 4:50pm. Manage your time carefully so that there is still daylight in the circle.
- Appoint Beer Bitch(es)
- Inform GM/RA that Circle is Ready
- DRINK LOTS OF BEER
- Manage Dinner Bash, Verify Dinner Bill for Hash Cash
- Get Reimbursement from Hash Cash
- Finish, ON ON!
To-do List for Hare #1
- Trail maps and chalk (Hare #1)
- Arranging icing of free beer at restaurant (Hare #1)
- Order one table’s worth of food with restaurant (Hare #1)
- Check if restaurant is dog-friendly (Hare #1)
- Get dinner number from Hash Cash and inform restaurant # of tables (Hare #1)
- Sweep slow runners (Hare #1)
- Get final dinner numbers from Hash Cash and place order with the restaurant (Hare #1)
- Check dinner bill for accuracy for Hash Cash payment (Hare #1)
- Get reimbursement from Hash Cash (Hare #1, Hare #2, Hare #3)
To-do List for Hare #2:
- Buy and bring 50 cups (Hare #2)
- Write chalk marks on the ground for later explaining (Hare #2)
- Gather hashers to the front and inform GM to announce the run(Hare #2)
- 3:15pm: Hare explains marks to virgins(Hare #2)
- Bring cups on runner’s trail (Hare #2)
- Run in front and reign in stray FRBs (Hare #2)
- Order and pay for the 2 beer stops – Runners (Hare #2) (Coordinate with Hare #3)
- Buy and bring beer to the circle (Hare #2, get help from hashers, one of whom speaks Mandarin) (at least 1 bottle / hasher)
- Get reimbursement from Hash Cash (Hare #1, Hare #2, Hare #3)
To-do List for Hare #3
- 2:45pm: Buy and bring water (one bottle for each hasher) to front of restaurant (Hare #3)
- 2:45pm: Direct hashers to bag storage site in the restaurant (Hare #3)
- Bring cups on walker’s trail (Hare #3)
- Lead walkers using the trail map if trail not pre-marked (Hare #3)
- Order and pay for the 2 beer stops – Runners (Hare #2) (Coordinate with Hare #3)
- Bring cups (1 per hasher), sponsored beers, and 5 bottles of water to the circle. (Hare #3)
- 6:00pm: Direct hashers, GM, RA, and all three hares to the circle. (Hare #3)
- Get reimbursement from Hash Cash (Hare #1, Hare #2, Hare #3)
Full To-do List for the Three Hares:
- Trail maps and chalk (Hare #1)
- Buy and bring 50 cups (Hare #2)
- Arranging icing of free beer at restaurant (Hare #1)
- Order one table’s worth of food with restaurant (Hare #1)
- Check if restaurant is dog-friendly (Hare #1)
- 2:45pm: Buy and bring water (one bottle for each hasher) to front of restaurant (Hare #3)
- 2:45pm: Direct hashers to bag storage site in the restaurant (Hare #3)
- Get dinner number from Hash Cash and inform restaurant # of tables (Hare #1)
- Write chalk marks on the ground for later explaining (Hare #2)
- Gather hashers to the front and inform GM to announce the run(Hare #2)
- 3:15pm: Hare explains marks to virgins(Hare #2)
- Bring cups on walker’s trail (Hare #3)
- Bring cups on runner’s trail (Hare #2)
- Lead walkers using the trail map if trail not pre-marked (Hare #3)
- Run in front and reign in stray FRBs (Hare #2)
- Sweep slow runners (Hare #1)
- Order and pay for the 2 beer stops – Runners (Hare #2) (Coordinate with Hare #3)
- Order and pay for the 2 beer stops – Walkers (Hare #3) (Coordinate with Hare #2)
- Buy and bring beer to the circle (Hare #2, get help from hashers, one of whom speaks Mandarin) (at least 1 bottle / hasher)
- Get final dinner numbers from Hash Cash and place order with the restaurant (Hare #1)
- Bring cups (1 per hasher), sponsored beers, and 5 bottles of water to the circle. (Hare #3)
- 6:00pm: Direct hashers, GM, RA, and all three hares to the circle. (Hare #3)
- Check dinner bill for accuracy for Hash Cash payment (Hare #1)
- Get reimbursement from Hash Cash (Hare #1, Hare #2, Hare #3)