The day’s running and drinking shenanigans were organized by none other than Black Turd, Dazed & Confused and Annie Sperm Maid, and this week’s hares learned from the mistakes last week’s as they decided to forgo a delayed start time of nearly an hour by holding the starting point WITHIN the 4th ring. Hashers slowly assembled outside the north exit of Guloudajie Station on Line 2 including several unsuspecting virgins who were treated by Snot to what can be considered a solid nomination for the worst explanation of the hash marks in the history of Hashing. To make matters all the more awkward, Snot decided to layout the example marks in such a fashion, that no one could overlook the fact that they looked like a phallus.

Open check was soon called, and hashers went scrambling in opposite directions of the canal with photographer in tow. A journey over the canal, a footbridge over the 2nd ring, and through some good ol’ Hutongs brought the runners to the first of “four” beer stops. Like a good hare, Dazed + Confused remembered to bring cups with him for the beers stops BEFORE leaving the hash home. The only problem was that D+C was nowhere to be found since he was babysitting the photographer, so the hashers waited (a common theme for the day’s events). Cups were allocated and the drinking commenced only moments before D+C appeared from the opposite direction in which the rest of the hashers came. Some quick group photos were taken as the walkers arrived, and the run was on.

Beer stop number two brought the hashers within view of the Drum and Bell Towers, and several hashers within view of Pony’s water bottle which contained a liquid that is best described as “urine-like.” After a short discussion about the health benefits of drinking one’s own urine, it was noted that it’s good for you since it’s rich in Vitamin “P”.

Beer stop number three was as well shaded as it was breezy which left several freezing hashers to employ unconventional yet ingenious methods of keeping warm. Lil Sai Wanker ( a true gentlemen) offered the female hashers the warmth of his lap (None accepted), Dry Hole found refuge in the form of using Tubectamy as a wind-break, and Ricky chose a modified form of running in place to keep body temperatures up. The only real hiccup of the trail markings on the run came in the form of a “two-way” transformed into an “on-left” courtesy of a flyer of a local entrepreneur pasted over half of the mark. Lee pocketed the ad and assured the group that he will call the number repeatedly after closing his bar every night at 4 in the morning.

According to Dazed, Hashers would soon be arriving at the 4th beer stop….or what everyone else called, “home.” It was now time to circle up, or so thought Cock Sorcerer, and a few other eager (as well as frozen) hashers who waited for 20 minutes patiently outside while the rest of the group decided to soak in the warmth of the restaurant.

Eventually, the circle was called and the beers, once again, were consumed with Rebecca assuming the role of Beer Bitch. In addition to the beer, Hash virgin Amanda brought out seeming phallic and flesh colored container of some questionably tasting alcohol. After drinking a bit, she noted,” This cock tastes like vinegar.”Very latecomers Horny on Top, Placentia, and Lil’ Side Kick decided to bless the circle with their presence. Just as well since the day was a momentous in that, according to Dazed + Confused, it was his 100th Beijing Hash. However this claim was disputed by bookkeeping as it turned out to be his 99.99th. Dazed got his mug anyway.

Horny on Top showed her jealous side as Dazed had employed the efforts of Richard to be the one to blow his horn, while Spiking Viking announced that there was to be a naming, and after a short moment of suspense, invited Ricky into the circle. As Ricky stripped off all his protective layers down to his shorts, while the rest of the hash took their sweet time in finalizing his Hash Name. Attributed from his chosen method of keeping warm on the last beer stop, it was decided that “Prancing Queen” would be an apt title for the hasher. With the blessing of the flour came calls for “No Beer!” presumably since it was so cold. However, these went largely unnoticed because they were inaudible over the sound of beer being sprayed over newly anointed Prancing Queen.

Hungry and cold, Hashers ventured back into the restaurant where they waited nearly 20 minutes for the first sign of food to show since the hares decided to wait until the last minute to order. It was then that very, very late comer (and possible record holding long time no see-one year) 4 year hash veteran Drill Me showed up for dinner announcing that this was her “3rd” hash ever. Dinner wound down and everyone said their goodbyes. It was then that the group learned that that next week’s run would be the last for Phillip in Beijing. Dazed promised Phillip that he would be named or else Dazed would give up his new 99.99 run mug… sure!

On On

Prancing Queen