Eclipsing layers of sound barriers, the Hashers time travel eternally on supersonic bus at eumetopias jubatus accelerations from Beidaihe’s Rossiyan District to the Jiumenkouvian monoliths of Great Wall.  Spitting and Swallows and Life of Pi/ee hare through malus domestica jardinage; Comes in Five sometimes less but always comes leads the walkers of Tianjin and Beijing. Alas and glorious to all! They reach the upper tops of stairway to ancient sentries and rewarded by picturesque views of 360 degrees panorama.

Sleazy and hairy Teutonic shrills of “On On!!!” speed the pace down rock stairways and the hares run marked trail through swine pens, asses in pastures, cornfields, bedstreams of rock and water and sometimes forget to put the jiaozi flour on the ground requiring the hashers to use their perceptions of extra sensory feeling dimensions to find their way on the 10.9 kilometers course.

Success all! Everyone and each come through one of nine holes at the ending.  

Cold beer, Doggie Fondue famous snacks and Circle awaits the hashers.  Jackson Five (D&C, Chewsthekaka, DryHole, Knobsinhood, and Prancing of queens) lead the Hasher Chorus while Bubba GM charismatically seduces the fatigued with praisy accusations. Will there be new names? Yes.  The pinyined pijiu on gluteus maximus of Just Sandra dictates resoundly name of “ButT and Paste!” Just Cissy begs to crack nuts for males and undervalues the beverage nature from humulus lupuls ingredients and is now “Beer Nuts!”

Supersonic bus in <10 minutes takes Hashers to Hash bash where fresh pijiu but not of buttocks region makes hashers who love hops happy and back in time.  After sufficient foraging, hashers return for rests (chewkaka starts sleep in private cave) and then to beach for moon in gibbous 78% visibility form. Is it an apparition or a hamster named James induced imagination?  Comrade Laid Fung welcomes foreign devils and hukou’d collaborators and invites to imbibe of beverages (lady Wine Bar, Italian Roma & Cola, Columbian Guardia Water, English Gin and Tonics

[KIH crossed the Renegade Strait, just to mix this properly, then returned to Rebel Island], and Prancing Queen’s bourbon coffers) from station to station Oceanside distanced only by blue disk moon shape thrice tossed by hashers. 

Lunar process adds years to Bubba and Dazed & C, therefore auspicious Orion mooncakes have many candles ignited for birthday wishes and singing. Finally, Laid Fung puts tubular rubber with bai jiu basin in the ocean, and many merman and a few mermaid hashers run with buttocks aglow and frontages darkened in Bohai. Unknown source of hasher pee hastens the melting of icebergs in the arctic reaches thereby also warming the waters near Beidiahe for au naturel comfort. Doctor Snow’s device goes first marine, and the to Jobs’s heaven, a very much Snow Jobs aspect of swimming.  Howling hashers serenade the moon wolf-like. 

Some hashers go back to hotel after the witching hour and others go to venue of Siberian outreach disco dance hall and pass around James the hamster (D&C renames German cocktail, formerly known as Jaegermeister) to suck from opening. Up all night is up all night and morning and then afternoon too. The weekend proves again to all the essence of Hash philosophy meaning: to survive on Hasher’s spaceship earth with run & beer we must unite the whole hashers of Beijing and Tianjin human race in astronomy’s eternally great all one-hash-faith, for we’re all-one or none!


James the Hamster’s Inebriated Oracle (Hash Trash guest reporter)