Whoever said we can’t make an impact on a city of 22+ million clearly hasn’t seen the Beijing Hash House Harriers Annual Red Dress Run.
This years run was ti raise money for Clean Water Initiatives in China and we succeeded in raising 900 RMB. We have visitors from the UK all the way to Las Vegas and stood a 47 strong as the Book Fair woman outside Ditan Park continued to yell at us for disrupting her business. If anything we were getting more customers over close to her as the Chinese locals took photo after photo after photo… After finally getting everyone paid, Spiking went about buying tickets for the park and was told that “our kind” wasn’t allowed in the park. Never mind that the police on site didn’t seem interested at all in our group.
Apparently the hares also had no chalk and as we later discovered no cups or as D&C suggested cups=cops. With D&C sporting a strange leg injury he recruited Ghengis Cum to help. Penis Envy asked where the bag car was and when I said it was gone, she said what the F do I do now. I told her beg for some space on D&C’s bicycle. Based on the 100kg bike weighed down by numerous bags, she was not alone and poor D&C would have to pedal the course with all that extra weight.
With time going quickly and a bag car that needed to go to the airport I did a fast introduction for the virgins and we re-routed the group to meet back up with the trail sacrificing 1.5K by not being allowed in the park. With D&C following the group on his bike, Spiking Viking (wearing his first dress in his entire life…so he says) and Ghengis Cum lead the group back to the canal. The locals continued to be mesmerized by our sexy men and women taking photos with anything they could find.
We quickly reached our first photo op and beer stop. As we ran I asked Undulator where she was this morning for the Amway Run and she stuttered and sheepishly said “oh I was hungover”. Well at least that is an honest answer but we did have a number of runners that did 17K on the Boxer the day before and the 10K Amway run this morning before doing the Red Dress Run (DH, XXX, TapAss…).
At the first beer stop given the warm temperatures and our numbers we destroyed close to 20 beers (and a few waters) but as we tired of collecting the 10RMB fee for each photo that people took with us we decided let’s continue and maybe we can avoid the crowds. Well the hares had other ideas as we headed for Nanlouguxiang and the throngs (and thongs) that crowd the alley every weekend.
Our second beer stop was so crowded and the owner demanded 10RMB/bottle prepaid but when we called BS he quickly decided that us drinking 20 beers at 3RMB each would net him a nice profit. The locals went crazy and we continued to have the paparazzi demanded photos. I guess sweat isn’t such a deterant after all. No doubt somewhere out there are millions of Red Dress photos.
Again feeling like rockstars and needing or privacy we quickly headed on and thought some quiet hutongs would be great but again the hares thought why do that when we can run in Houhai. More photos, more crowds and more love!!! Can’t wait to see this week’s People magazine to find out who Matt Damon is dating this week. Shortly after looping around the lake we reached the On Home, ending at the south end of Houhai and in a restaurant with a private courtyard. Considering what was in store on Monday with the police, it was good that we finally had some privacy.
The hares had not secured beer yet so we quickly set them to the task as the group gathered. CF, DH, Bret and Tom Howard went to retrieve some beer yet only CF and DH returned. As I began to call the circle to order I discovered that we only had one crate of beer. DH went back to the streets and discovered Bret and Tom Howard wandering aimlessly looking for the restaurant.
We got the circle going and quickly turned to the Annual Fashion Show with the participants being DH, Matt Damon, Lost In Space, Bret, FTM and Nippstik. They were tasked with strutting their stuff and picking up the cock of chame without bending their knees. It was very interesting and the girls really worked the stage. With no clear winner the group decided everyone is a winner.
As the circle continued and everyone was punished, FTM continued to lose more and more of his dress eventually ended up with a glorified skirt. Amnesia seemed to be a little confused as he showed up with a red shirt and a rubber Halloween mask.
The RSB had decided that Grand Prix in Shanghai was more interesting than this weekend’s run so many of our regulars chipped in to make the circle a truly abusive beer festival. As we retired to food we noticed that two tables had changed out of dresses while the third stayed comfortable in their own cross-dressing. After all it is easier to pee when you are wearing a dress…
After dinner DH led the group in “Swing Low” and we retired for the evening.
So Monday morning picture Chopstick Legs hard at work at her office with her CEO watching when two Chinese Policemen breakdown the door and demand to know what she knows about a group of red dress wearing transvestites reeking havoc on the city. Two hours later they removed the thumb screws and demanded to speak to LSW, MH and D&C.
We all spent a bit of time speaking with them about Chinese morality and why do men wear dresses and what is charity…good news is that a Chinese attorney and 10,000 RMB can secure your freedom.
Just kidding!! they were very friendly and interested in our group. Now if we could get one of them to run with us we could really change the world!!!
On On
Moore Head