After a gloriously windy day in the mountains on Saturday’s Boxer hash and with the skies somewhat blue and the air dare I say WARM, we hashers gathered at Paddy O’Shea’s after a long week of drinking.  Many having done the full tour of duty with St. Patrick’s Day in this very same site on Wednesday, on to Tim’s for the Hash Social on Thursday, no doubt drinking somewhere on Friday and finally drunk again at the Boxer on Saturday.  No one looked too weary but many looked greener than others…but wait that was just a touch of the irish as we prepared for this celebratory St. Patrick’s Day Hash only to be improved by the irreverence of adding some haberdashery.

Of course not just any thing would do as this is the hash so it must be sun hats to protect us on future runs.  Is being fashionable enough…not when that is cause for drinking in the circle we must go one step further.  With D&C’s help we had organized GREEN hats for fabled Lu Mao Zi tale.  With 23 Green Hats on heads (including numerous Chinese hashers) we explained the marks to the 3 virgins (one was a reporter from the Global Times) and were off!  The hashers quickly found the first mark and we “On On”.

The reverend was beginning to see green but for a different reason…it was jealousy as he noticed that the reporter too carried a notepad but was recording notes in some cryptic shorthand.  I religious man would normally turn the other cheek but hell hath no fury like a spurned RA and punishment would come later in the circle.  Several hashers missed a few marks and found an old trail crossing and were told to “On Back” and focus on the marks…as always Stick Massage claimed to see no marks at all!

The hashers hit a dead end by the river until Nice `N Tart noticed a mark directing an ice crossing…remember I said it was warm today.  Nervously they all crossed safely (Piles did not fall through again) and continued on.  Later Undulator said I wasn’t worried I think it was just dirt under the ice…good thing she didn’t know the truth.  As we entered the embassy area of Sanlitun marks required more strategic placement away from guards and at this point the locals were very interested in these green hats.  We approached a group of 7 guards in formation and I am happy to say that diplomacy won over and the gentlemen were unable to stay in formation as they began to laugh hysterically.

This in contrast to several Chinese couples that gave us that “oh my god” or “oh my Mao” look as if they too were victims of the infamous Lu Mao Zi.  We crossed over 3rd ring and reached our first beer stop across from Dirty Nelly’s after 4K so the hashers were very thirsty and were enjoying the weather.  As we began to head out the walkers approached – a small group that began as 3 and now was 5.  Little did we know that by the end they would be 9…The runners were off again towards Chaoyang Park down alleys and around apartment high rises finally entering Tuanjiehu for a 2nd and much deserved beer stop.

Spiking Viking and TapAss were involved in deep conversation with Stick Massage and couldn’t be bothered with beer or the rest of us.  Luckily Fuck That Monkey and Enzo (now E.D.) were more than happy to pick up the slack with several other hashers.  Lord of The Ring Jobs straight off a flight from the UK was savoring fruit juice perhaps to combat a yeast infection brought on from NOT drinking beer with us.  As we took a head count (head…Who said “head”…) we noticed a few had gone missing again.  I sent That Funky Shit out to try and find the others that were “right behind us” but alas they were gone – Luckily MB, Pyro and Piles added them to their fast growing franchise.

Feeling comfort in the “10% lose rule” we called open check.  As TA once again headed the wrong way and the others all just stood there I announced “never follow a Spaniard” but they still didn’t get it after the 3rd try so I called “On Back” and “On On this way”.  Back up towards Sanlitun and Yashow before ducking back down alleyways on home to a savory duck restaurant around the corner from Paddy’s.  SM began complaining about his hat as his forehead was slightly green from the profuse sweating he had done on the run – I guess mincing (the British meaning) burns more calories than running like a man…

The restaurant had a huge deck on the front so we circled up while competing with the construction noise across the street.  Pyromaniac tried hiding behind a pole on the deck but that wouldn’t be acceptable so we had him drink for hiding and brought the circle forward.  We toasted our virgins and LTNS and to protect the integrity of today’s hash we allowed only green hats to be worn in the circle.  We continued with a toast to the Irish and a shot of Bailey’s before turning it over to the RSB.  He treated the hashers to abuse for Irish dancing, fashion on the hash or lack there of, a mincing competition and some strange “bag” exercise with FTM.

Finally ending with an explanation about how TNT had moved on from all that caffeine to chocolate Bimbos…and that she was trying to give away chocolate Bimbos or as Snot suggested “Passing out chocolate Bimbos”.  I told him be careful on which word you place the emphasis!  The accusations flew as the beer flowed and the weather continued to be fantastic.  We were almost finished but not yet…a hasher was leaving us, maybe just temporarily maybe not, but none the less he needed a name so we called Enzo into the circle.  He had already changed into nice clothes so he quickly striped and changed to prepare for the deluge of beer.  As he knelt, the crowd suggested names finally settling on E.D. for Extra Dry not Erectile Dysfunction (as if this won’t haunt him forever…),  The RSB christened him and the beer began to flow.  TFS snapping action photos for posterity.  As he celebrated with a drink the group made some fast announcements and we were “On Food”…

On On

Moore Head