UPDATE BY MINI ME
Dear Boxer Hashers!
Last months road (rail) trip to the grasslands of Inner Mongolia with our retarded cousins, the BJH3 and the FMH3 turned out to be a scorcher in more ways than one. I think everyone got the back of their legs burned, especially Boxer Hare ‘Fucking Matt Damon’ as he got the worst of it with his borderline blisters! New rule for Summer hashes – Bring lots of sun cream, not only to use it as an excuse to rub other hashers but to be rubbed on yourself!
I remember DnC, Spiking Viking, MH and the soon to be named, ‘Fuckus’ (we know who you are!) drinking the whole train dry after a bottle of vodka was demolished in 5 minutes. But thats about it…Sunshine, Drinking, World Cup, Drinking, Dodgy Club, Drinking, Sunshine, Ultimate frisbee, Drinking, Train, Drinking….I think I saw lucky boy at one point…and I’m certain we left Indiana Jones behind.
It was Snot’s Birthday as well as Slackbladder’s swan song as Boxer RA to which we had him doused in the nectar of the Gods!
We also made RSB drink so much that he passed out in the hotel and missed all the nights revelry watching world cup and eating entire lambs before drinking ourselves into a heat stricken slumber.
Fare-D-well, Slackbladder, you will be missed but the word/joke association games shall always continue in your honour!
Dry Hole kept up his legendary status as he was the only one who took the initiative and thought of the beer over everything else and found a cold place to store it in the middle of the grasslands enabling us to intoxicate ourselves and keep cool at the same time! Shame on you, hares!
Thanks to all for what should really become an annual thing!
Special thanks go to Burning Bush, who even though she got lost on one of the flattest Boxer trails we’ve ever seen, provided lots of cakes and apple pies for Limp Tart to stick his fingers into at every available moment…
Who likes sunshine, who likes sunshine (or Spanking Nuns as Limp Tart prefers to teach underage locals)? We all could use some and no place is better than the grasslands of Inner Mongolia!!
We had organized the trip with great efforts from Burning Bush and I’m Fucking Matt Damon including numerous baked goods from the chef herself! As a small group gathered at Tim’s to car pool to the train station, several of us made last minute purchases to feed the masses. The plan was to meet outside the train station entrance as we were instructed “they will not let you into the station without a ticket. Well XXX and I walked right in and found everyone except BB and MiniMe waiting at Hall 4 many of us without tickets (so much for security).
We quickly called BB and MM to join us and pass out the remaining tickets so we could board the train in the next 5 minutes or miss it. XXX thought wow this is just enough time to go order food from Yoshinoya…pushing the edge but eventually made the train. We had tops and middles spread over two cars and quickly began drinking and eating.
Spiking Viking brought a bottle of Vodka and a bottle of wine but with 11 people in his train car it lasted only a few minutes and then it was onto warm beer purchased on the train (they do only carry a limited amount as we would discover). Some of us took the luxury route and drove to Hohhot (Lucky Boy, his wife, new puppy and Mother-In-Law) or flew from Shanghai (LSW and James “Lil Sai Kick” Cunningham) or for the rich and famous and their agent flew First Class (Dry Hole and Matt Damon). First Class turned out to be a farce when after drinking 3 cans of beer and a bottle of wine the liquor cabinet was bare!!! The remaining 21 of us enjoyed the overnight train ride.
Around 1AM after buying all the beer on the train cart for the 4th time we were told that was all… no more…D&C almost began to cry when he found a train workers hat (yes it was a female’s hat) and donning it for a picture began laughing again. Eventually everyone settled in for a bit of rest before our 7:20AM arrival.
The hotel bus met us and shuttled the group to the hotel where we all changed clothes quickly and stuffed bags in the rooms before crossing the street to buy beer, snacks and water for the Boxer Hash on Saturday. We were looking forward to the two-hour bus ride with blue, clear skies and rolling hills. While 6 of us carried and pushed carts loaded down, D&C was off with his tiny personal cart buying yogurt (just 1 for him), Coke (just 2 for him) and snacks (you guessed it “just for him”).
We had three carts loaded with tons of beer, water and snacks but the bus driver would not come over to pick us up so we left the store with 3 shopping carts, hopped the curb and began going down the street in search of the bus. It turns out they parked 1K away and the whole time DH noticed we were being followed. Never bothered yet as we unloaded the carts a security officer from the store requested that we return the carts. DH suggested a 10RMB bribe to have him walk back the 1K so we could depart and the gentleman took the money and left with the 3 carts.
Unfortunately this would not be our last brush with the law today. We loaded up and began the scenic drive to the grasslands when all the sudden the bus driver stopped and did a u-turn…did he take a wrong turn? No he was being stopped by a police radar gun for speeding and paying a 200 RMB fine. I am sure that officer reported this additional revenue to the police station??? Now moving a bit slower we continued on and arrived in a small town full of open fields, yurts and horses.
Matt Damon and I asked for 30 minutes head start as the terrain is so flat we needed to gain some distance to get out of sight. We quickly took off crossing rivers, running between horses and through stinging nettles successfully keeping out of sight. When we finished and were at the bus waiting and waiting and waiting and not hearing any “on ons” being called we began to get nervous. MD said this must be what it is like to lose a loved on at sea and spend your days looking off to the horizon hoping they will appear.
After 1 hour still no front runners, 1.5 hours still no runners…finally over the horizon what do we see but Lucky Boy turning the corner and headed our way a mere 2 hours after we completed live-haring the trail. Fortunately over the next 20 minutes the rest of the group finished with DH placing 5th in this month’s Boxer. We found a circle (yurt tent site) and removed our beer, one case at a time, from the coolers in the restaurant as we began the fun.
MM started the abuse of the hares immediately and relentlessly, not to mention naming LSW the Amma. As this was the FOYW Boxer for the Reverend Slackbladder, he was treated to a beer bath which was quite refreshing in the 32 degree heat. He performed his RA duties marvelously with punishment to Indian Jones for allowing others to carry her luggage, LSW and LSK for entering hotel rooms that already had guests staying in them, BB’s for being in two magazines this month and Tripod for suggesting that having D&C and RSB on the run was “Double the pleasure”.
As charges were levied the group became drunker and drunker and we had to stop long enough to eat but not before we were certain that the RSB was DRUNK. After a great meal we loaded on the bus for the ride back to Hohhot. The bus staff had said we would not be able to stop for pee breaks because it was “inconvenient” to which BB said obviously they have never had hashers peeing in beer cans and bottles on their bus. Of course we did get one pee stop.
The RSB had misplaced his 150 Run mug…XXX suggested we play a game on the bus and DH added some components. As the RSB was up front we would have him go row by row taking a drink and giving each person a compliment and then asking “do you have my mug”. The hashers were instructed to make sure it was a good compliment and then say I do not have it but I think the people behind me do. Minor Annoyance was given the silver challis to protect and the RSB began his quest getting drunker and his compliments getting worse (many times including an “Even though…”).
Eventually he made it to the last row but was so drunk he forgot to ask MA “Do you have my mug?” DH eventually got the Rev to understand and ask again and thus he received his mug. Back at the hotel we told people to clean up and then we would head to dinner and some football watching. The RSB showered and passed out as did several other hashers but the remaining crew hopped in 4 cabs and car-pooled across town to an outdoor local restaurant with the TV on. As we dug through tuar and beer, D&C noticed his “drinking rate” had slowed and he announced that indicated that he needed to go to bed. BB and MD finally arrived after a bit of private hotel time and joined for some last minute food before the group headed back for the night. MM was not done yet and went into the next door dance hall and we only saw him around 1:00PM on Sunday as we gathered to begin the run.
In the morning some hashers went sight seeing (Wasabi Geisha and Undulator), some enjoyed local cuisine (Caroline Berg) and a large group of us went to KFC for some much needed grease and oil in our food. Meanwhile XXX stepped in for MD and left to mark the trail with DH for Sunday’s hash. While Piles, Limp Tart, MA, RSB, MD, Snot and myself had intellectual conversations we noticed a young local girl was fascinated with us and eventually Limp Tart taught her the “Spanking Nuns” song.
At which point the RSB suggested we should leave. We had everyone throw their bags in one of two rooms that would be for showering that evening before going to the train station and circled up for the run. DH and XXX promised a beautiful trail (and the weather was amazing again) with two beer stops and only 9K. We were excited and quickly were “On On”. The trail took us over reservoirs, nears temples and down streets that smelled just like Beijing (bad memories – think shit and urine) and eventually stopped at our first beer shop. We had ice cold Harbin beer and water before running again.
DH said we would only have good beer at this stop today so when we arrived at beer stop 2 and the caps were taken off D&C quickly noticed that 1 of the beers was NOT Snow Deer and took it to a shaded chair to enjoy (yes “All for himself”). Meanwhile a number of our hashers were enjoying the local shopping and buying horse milk candy and liquor to take home. We finally got Indiana Jones out of the shop long enough to complete the run which ended at a giant white stuppa like Beihai park. While we waited for the RSB to complete his notes DH and BB organized a quick game of ultimate. As if we weren’t attracting enough attention from the locals this brought in larger and larger groups.
After the Yellow Team defeated the multi-color team (no this was not racially segregated but was by shirt color) we circled up and celebrated our one virgin, our many LTNS and the 25th run for Wasabi and 50th for LSW. As the circle was turned over to RSB he punished MD for suggesting that BB needs sleep because he did too much last night; D&C complaining that his room wasn’t clean only to leave a empty bag of crisps/chips on the RSB bedside table; Mike for sleeping on the bus with “Born to Run” book as a pillow; Emily complaining about her sports bra; D&C and Indiana Jones demonstrating “drunken monkey” kung fu; and Undulator looking for Taiwanese sausage.
The accusations began immediately and in great length and while we could have continued we had a naming!!!! James was desperate to be named and as he was following LSW in school and on the trip here, BB suggested “Lil Sai Kick” which the group loved. In an effort to make this a proper “Bitch” naming, MM asked SV to assist RSB in the ceremony. While SV explained the naming the RSB emptied two cans of shaving cream all over James and hit him with shaving cream snow balls. The ceremony culminated with a bag of flour and numerous beers before sending him to the showers before dinner.
With a few quick announcements including asking DH who is haring next week, to which he answered “I don’t have a fucking clue”, we were on food. After which DH led the group in “swing low” before disbanding to be “On Train” for a leisurely return to Beijing.