Sunday’s Hash was one to be remembered thanks to hares Horny On Top and Snot. Beginning near Chaoyang Park, everyone gathered in front of the KFC, arguing whether the day’s weather was warm or cold. Like all great Hash discussions, no conclusion was reached, so we all walked to restaurant. After the food was ordered, we all went outside, enduring the warm/cold (circle one) weather. After a long, yet uninformative introduction to the rules that never had made much sense anyway, we prepared to take off only to hear there would be no beer stops. Any information that was retained by folks during the intro was instantly erased at the thought of Hash without beer. Uneasy at the prospect of sobriety, we all took off, reassured that we would, in the words of Snot, “get tanked to our heart’s desire” after the run.
It wasn’t long before the general consensus was that the markings were less than stellar. After several incidences of the hares giving the hashers not-so-subtle advice, the path was found. After running through some rough terrain, nearly falling of a ledge into a ditch and a little bit (ok, a lot of bit) of whining, the hashers were stopped at the entrance of the Chaoyang Park. After waiting approximately a billion years (give or take) for Poinsentta to find the group, we were surprised to find out that the hares had paid for us to get into the park to continue the run (“surprised”,used lightly, of course, given we had those billion years to think about it at the entrance of the park). Poinsentta was spotted off in the distance at another entrance and after Doggie Lips pronounced him “a cunt”, she took off after him while the rest of the hashers followed. Inside the park, the hashers were quick to ruin a couples’ wedding photos, while still wishing them (loud/obnoxious) blessings.
The rest of the park and several thousand poorly-spent tax dollars later (ie. “art”), we passed through a creepy children’s theme park and headed for the open area in front of the park exit. Confused by the lack of marks and exhausted by the approximate 12K run thus far, hashers used their senses to return to the restaurant, bringing the final distance to about 13 kilometers. The walkers were already at the finish, mocking the runners for they had decided to taken it upon themselves to declare one beer stop along their route. After everyone arrived, even Prancing Queen who had an entire “Mary Poppins bag” of excuses for why he couldn’t make the run. We then walked over the circle, excited to make up for the beer consumption that didn’t take place during the run. Due to the missing RAs, Snot changed the game and allowed everyone to make an accusation about the person on their right, which surprisingly turned out to be incredibly entertaining. Some circle highlights: Black Turd accused Prancing Queen of scaring away cats while on the route, therefore hating “pussy”, Doggie Lips and Major Crackhead teamed up to verbally destroy Lil Sai Wanker for claiming “to have an effect on little girls”, Horny On Top slung to her water bottle, claiming a supposed detox after a long week of drinking and Snot accused essentially the entire circle for having no hash gear. The circle was concluded and the hashers said goodbye to Major Crackhead and Lost+found. Back at the resturaunt, dinner was great. The night ended there for some, while many headed to Paddy O’Sheas, where the night went south fairly quickly and resulted in some painfully entertaining photos (available soon at the Beijing Hash website nearest you!).
Until next time Hashers- thanks for all the amazing memories and friends I met while with the Beijing H3. I’ll be sure to follow every one of your new adventures via the BJH3 homepage/facebook/carrier pigeons etc..It has been a pleasure running, laughing and building up my alcohol tolerance with you all.
Godspeed and of course, On On,
Major Crackhead and Prancing Queen