It was a beautiful, cold-as-hell, winter day as hashers assembled for the first run of 2011. The meeting place of “Beijing WEST Railway Station” proved to be too difficult for some runners to locate as there were as many late cummers as there were people who showed up on time. Even after she gave directions to a lost Undulator, Horny on Top managed to go to the wrong station altogether and ended up missing the run.

The hash began and within five minutes, everyone found themselves at the first beer stop. Dry Hole and Doggy Lips were so excited about the amazing run that was in store for them that they completely missed the stop and only returned when called back by the others. With the stop being  just barely out of eyesight of home, Dry Hole noted that no one had the proper time to warm up to allow them to stop for beer yet.  Smarter Hashers knew that wasn’t a problem as that’s what the beer was for! Finding themselves temporarily without an opener, Prancing Queen used his “ninja skills” to open a beer on the streetscape. Underestimating his strength though, he managed to not only remove the cap from the beer, but a portion of the bottle neck.

Off ran the runners as the walkers just started to arrive at the stop (with the front walkers completely missing stop as well- shitty marks?). Soon the runners arrived at the entrance to Lianhuachi Park and were treated to a scenic view of ice. Out the south gate and through some congested traffic, they arrived at beer stop number two.  The Yanjing at this stop was extra special as it was guarded fiercely by two ferocious Canines. Dog whisperers Will and Doggy Lips tried their best to tame and befriend the beasts but, doggy’s advances and Wills photography proved only to irritate; not calm. Outside several hashers noted that the marker for the beer stop could also be used as a toilet in an emergency. The only problem being that if one’s aim is off, they could find themselves in a very messy situation.

Waiting until all the runners were freezing, hares Pony and Doggy Fondue finally called the open check.  Back on the trail, runners breezed through several buildings of mid-level housing but were soon confused when marks indicated to go one direction, and the hares calling to go the other.

“Beer Stop!”

An Ad-hoc beer stop was organized for the runners who already didn’t have to pee bad enough already. Who could turn down beer? Cold and full of beer, runners Bee-lined it back to home, but not without first passing through the railway station. Several runners took advantage of the situation and used the facilities including Will who, at five minutes, may have set a new record in time spent in the bathroom for any male on the hash.

Back at home, hashers were reunited with very late comer Horny on Top, and the circle was filled with tons of beer, wonderful cookies provided by Benz Over, and the laugh of the day provided by Stephanie with the admission that her mother was “less than average.” Virgins Will, Ellie, and Erin were treated to songs while Pony and Benz Over christened their newish shoes with some Yanjing. Sadly, the visiting Pied Piper revealed that the day would be his last (for now) with the Beijing Hash.  As the circle winded down, Pony noticed that Dry Hole had been standing directly in front of an eponymous advertisement for “ZhuanYe DaKong” or “professional hole drilling”.  How appropriate.

The Dinner was filled with some great Peking Duck and other wonderful dishes. Bashers were joined by a lone rail-traveler, three sheets to the wind, who offered his hat to Doggy Lips in exchange for her hand in marriage and British citizenship.  A cold rejection from Doggy Lips did little to take the wind out of his sails, and it was only with some persistent encouragement from management that our traveler moved on.  Hashers soon dropped off into the night one by one…some back to work. “Don’t worry. This won’t be the first time I’ve gone to work tanked on a Sunday,” was heard as one left. Remaining hashers Dry Hole, Horny on Top, Pony, and Doggy Fondue stayed and polished off the remaining crate of beer that no one else had the cojones to.  After pawning the empty crate off to a random guy on the street near the shop they had bought the beer from (and that had long since closed for the evening), an even smaller crew unwisely stuck it out to Paddys in search of further drink.