No Hash House Harriers weekend ski trip in the snowy slopes of the Nanshan resort would be complete without a run through the barren snowless hills of its surrounding terrain. Lil’ Sai Wanker’s FOYW was the perfect finishing touch to the ski trip with haring services provided by three virgin boxer hares Le Cunt, Horny on Top, and Doggy fundo.
20 minutes were set and the hares ran off making sure they brought with them an assload of flour-the amount necessary to clearly and adequately mark the trail. With the clock counting down, Kimchee muncher and Kat took advantage of the remaining time to drop the kids off at the pool while everyone else stretched and talked. The 20-minute mark had arrived and the hash was on.
Up and out of the parking lot the hashers ran hot on the trail of generous and plentiful marks of the hares. East of the resort, hashers ran along a mountain path with a beautiful view of the vast sea of dead vegetation. It was not long until the path disappeared and the trail led everyone on a hillside full of dead, sharp, scratchy, and pokey plants. The trail had disappeared. Thus began the first of many unofficial open checks. Being on the hillside, everyone had an exceptional view of the valley below, and it only a few minutes to locate the flour. Unfortunately, it was at the base of the hill. Half of the hash charged (or tumbled) down the hill while the others backtracked to find a more traversable way down to the trail. The rediscovered path led the runners through an empty filed. With the crops harvested in seasons past, the only remnants that alluded to the lushness that used to be were the stumps of the no-longer existing plants. Sheared at an angle and near the ground, these ground features became sharp spikes brought the exciting element of podiatric impalement to the run. The hares’ names were cursed.
Soon, Anal Vice declared that he couldn’t find his phone but that there was a slight possibility that he had left it back on the bus. He was never seen again.
A few more spike beds, brush-filled hillsides, smelly villages, and 200 open checks later, Dry Hole and Mini-Me came to the realization that there had been some casualties on the hash stating in a somber and remorseful tone, “We’ve definitely lost some people.” An appropriate observation indeed, as they soon came across the mother of all ambiguous open checks which sent all hashers scattering in all directions including Dry Hole clear across a half-kilometer long field…twice. Beaten and bruised (physically or mentally), Doggy Lips, Prancing Queen, and Peter headed back home with the Nanshan resort clearly in sight. As the runners started arriving home, the hares looked puzzled and stated that they’ve “ been waiting for nearly an hour.” Oops. Sorry.
The hatred for the hares and their ambiguous/ nonexistent markings soon dissipated as the jar of nutella was broken out. A Nutella orgy quickly ensued as the spread was put on nearly every cookie, piece of bread, and Pringles chip in sight. Prancing Queen had masterfully prepared a peace of bread with a mound of the spread only for Dry Hole to sneak up and devour out of his hand laughing in a mocking manner as a combination of nutella and snot were covering his face. As Le cunt emerged from the bus, it became apparent that the reason for there being such sparse marks on the trail was that most of the flour was all over him. He then proceeded to smear a thick layer on a banana and downed it with little hesitation. With everyone (probably) back, the bus was off to the restaurant.
Averaging a speed of 5km/h the bus ride to the restaurant gave everyone some quality time in a heated environment. Lil’s Sai Wanker took the opportunity to change…and expose his ass to the back end of the bus thanks to the provocations of Mini-Me.
Circling up outside the restaurant, Dry Hole started the circle off with the announcement that Lil’ Sai Wanker, a few days from leaving for Hong Kong, had lost his set of keys and to request that everyone check to see if they had them. No dice. Surely to show their appreciation for the amazing trail, hashers proceeded to call in the hares to the circle no less than 20 times. In addition, they were made to have a bite of some of the uneaten durian sausage that was leftover from the previous night. It was then that beer bitch, Prancing Queen called in Spermaid to the circle to let him know that the bottle opener he had acquired from the restaurant was lost and to ask if anyone had another opener he could use. Mini-Me answered the request and produced an opener…with Lil’ Sai Wanker’s keys attached to them.
Dinner was good, but spicy, requiring Virgin Mariah to request three bowls of ice for her to munch on throughout the meal. Others chose to put out the fires in their stomachs in a more traditional hasher way. Beer.
The bus ride back to Tim’s was interrupted as hashers’ bladders near the point of rupture and the bus needed to make a stop at a restroom. Tapass and others could be seen flying to the toilets in a frantic manner.
Finally back at Tim’s, everyone drank themselves into oblivion.