Now this hasher feels a little uncomfortable scribing this week, as how to do justice to a country that evokes such emotion (be it burning rage, gushing pride, pure jealousy, inexplicable lust) in so many people? If I piss anyone off (American or not) I do apologize. But yes, this was the long awaited, all singing-all-dancing, grilled beef, freedom filled, red white and mother f*cking blue!

Meeting at Shuangjing subway, some patriots were already proudly sporting their national colors, in the likes of tshirts, socks, sunglasses and even running shoes all coloured red, white and blue. Well done to Dry Hole for donning a truly fantastic USA hat, complete with two chubby thumbs up on either side. It seems Horny On Top was looking for a slice of the Macdonalds-$1-apple-pie, as she had adapted her Bavarian style head band into an ode to America. Sniffing for a visa, anyone? More on that later.

Moving on to the restaurant, it became evident just how many virgins we had joining us today. Cries for our uber-cool hash t-shirts began, and hares Pretty Woman, Prancing Queen and Cock Sorcerer had to calm the crowds and promise them they would get them later. As the hares explained the marks of our C-A-A-B-A-B-A-B-B-B-A run, the heat was already taking its toll so Prancing Queen generously gave us an indication of which way the trail was headed. Was probably a good job as the marks were a little few and far between at points! Nonetheless, some back alley running could not have brought us to the first beer stop any sooner. Plenty of cold beer was passed around as sunburn marks were compared.

The second leg of our trail today was no shittier than usual, with some dilapidated hutongs and reeking rubbish heaps littering the way. An extremely evil 2 way check that sent front running bastards such as Hungary For Ass, Circus Freak and Dry Hole (to name a few) flying over a bridge, only to be called on-back. Those sneaky, sneaky hares.

The brilliantly marked trail puzzled some hashers at a large intersection, but Circus Freak knew exactly where the next beer stop was, so charged off into the distance. Lo and behold, stood outside Pretty Woman’s gallery was a cooler full of ice cold beer and the lovely Bonny Shot. As if it couldn’t get any better, Pretty Woman’s gallery was fully air conditioned, and so hashers mingled around the gallery, appreciating the art (which included the oh-so-famous weaponized vagina; again, more on that later) and also thrusting their genitalia in front of the rotating fans. Long time no see Mini-me joined us at this point with the same old bullshit excuse of “I’ve been working….”.

Once hashers had finished rubbing ice all over their sweaty bodies, open check was called with Cock Sorcerer again being very generous with his helpful clues – “Basically guys, run along this straight road until you are home”. Thanks!

And home we did reach, greeted with a big cooler of cold drinks and the wafting smell of a fired up bbq. Although the alluring smells provoked many to call for the circle to be skipped, tradition came through and the hashers assembled in an impressively large circle to honor, acknowledge and name and shame each other.

And so to those that are hashers through and through. Circus Freak received his 50 runs mug, Pretty Woman received both his 100 runs patch and mug, Snot received his 300 runs recognition in a very unusual “jar” from the Hong Kong Sevens and Dazed & Confused finally got his lost 111 run patch (in his almost 120 run). Our somewhat undutiful beer bitches unwillingly topped them off and hashers saluted their comrades for not staying inside and w*#king on Sundays.

Next to Roger Rabbit. Living up to his herbivore name, he was caught by Dazed and Confused happily munching on a carrot before the run began (weird). Weirder still, Horny on Top was also caught begging Roger Rabbit for “a bite of his carrot………”. This could either be interpreted as a phallic joke, or a clear indication the toxic cucumbers in her homeland have made dear HOT miss raw veg. Someone pass the girl a salad.

Beijing Hash House Harriers has often been praised for its epic website, so many thanks to all those that partake. If our website is so frikkin awesome, WHY is it that so many were called into the circle on Sunday for neglecting our fabulous website and NOT registering for the run?!?!? I’m pretty sure everyone can read >>>

The Hares feat. Ginger Jesus did a fantastic job creating some sweet habadashery. F*cking Shakespeare raised his concerns that the habadashery patches were not politically correct, however Circus Freak was on hand to ease his worries and show him that the patch was in fact a colour-it-in-yourself job, and you could in fact choose the ethnicity of your lovely half naked ladies.

Dazed and Confused had a unique insight into the sex life of Bearded Clam this week, receiving multiple texts from him on a Sunday morning asking “Can I come today? Can I come today?” Apparently he did.

The likes of Horny on Top, Bonny Shot, Black Eyed Tits and Doggy Lips were called into the circle for trying to get visas to the US by sleeping with Americans, but Horny on Top quickly counter-accused all Americans sleeping with Europeans of trying to get European visas. Long time hash supporter Carl, finally joined us for the first time today, and we couldn’t be happier: Free beer for all the hashers! But seriously, thank you to Carl and all at Paddy O’Shea’s for putting up with our drunk asses nearly every week. We hope to see you again! Tonight…

Our dear Doggie Fondue made a real schoolboy error this week. Proudly showing us all her swanky new running shoes earlier in the week, Waiting For It exclaimed: “You will have to drink out of those on Sunday!” Doggie Fondue replied “Don’t be silly, I would never be that stupid as to show up to the Sunday hash with new shoes!” But, she did. And did we make her drink from her new shoes? Yes, we did. Doggie Fondue – changing into sandals for the circle does NOT mean you got away with it! Alas, she was not alone, as Twinkle Balls also enjoyed a swig from his new running shoes (another sneaky sandals-in-the-circle wearer!)

Our RA, Dazed and Confused, then announced that we were to have a naming! The lovely Mini was named Weaponized Vagina, We all heard her epic story defending, precisely, a weaponized vagina inside the art gallery… and a dog.

No America F*#@ YEAH hash would be complete without a riotous rendition of “AMERICA: F*#@ YEAH” which wrapped things up nicely and sent us on-food. The wonderful BBQ provided by Hash friend Lee, was plentiful and delicious, and the beer was cold and constantly flowing. The hares FINALLY caved and handed out the long awaited t-shirts, and hashers were soon encouraged to head inside to enjoy the lyrical styling of Pickle Boy and the drumming skills of Prancing Queen. Needless to say, hashers quickly re-congregated outside as we bid farewell for now to our very own Circus Freak. Safe trails, Mr. Freak.

The army of white t-shirt clad hashers dispersed into the night (seriously, how f*#@ing far away from Shuangjing is EVERYTHING!?!?!?!)

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