The gathering started early but in this portentous year of 2012 there were a few ominous signs for the New Year’s Day run. The first hare seen, was heard to inquire as to the whereabouts of the other hares?? Finally after a good crowd of about 30 were mingling in respectfully warm temperatures for this time of year, it was realised that no “Hash Cash” had manifested or was being collected. A scribe was about to take the job on upon himself when suddenly the “Hash Cash helper” materialised upon the scene. After Undulator tried unsuccessfully to call BT, (his phone was off); and although not armed with a Hash list or any paper for that matter she borrowed a leaf from the Hash Trash black booklet, (very sinister now…..mixing trash and cash!!!)
Finally all trudged to quite an exotic restaurant judging from the open display of “naturally” frozen (gold)fish at the entrance and a fascinating wine urnurinal, (or is it urinalurn…who cares; it deals with the flow of alcohol).
By then a GM, (Masturbaker) had also appeared, the cash had been almost collected and all did not seem to be lost, (although some walkers did get lost later), the running marks were displayed upon the road and a Hare spouted the usual spiel to the virgins who, at first, were a little shy, seemingly unaware of the Beijing Hash meaning of “virgin”.
Then the next “omen” became apparent. THE WALKING HARE DIDN’T KNOW THE ROUTE. The walkers had to rely on MARKS. Indeed later one of these were missed and many were missed for a while from the first beer stop while mobile phone contact between the ex GM and a scribe thankfully guided the lost souls, (walking hare included), back through the milling New Year’s Day crowds and tortuous hutongs to BEER. By then the runners were keen to get away although “Hole in None” a visitor from Tokyo lived up to his name with his repetitive ramblings back to the beer stop and obvious lack of success in finding the trail.
The walkers weren’t to know yet it but a further foreboding event, (or distinctive lack of), was about to unfold. There WAS NO 2ND BEER STOP. In fact many were so thrown out by this that they thought the restaurant was the 2nd beer stop. No terrible calamity however as “it all ended in beers”.
Here at this point the “signs” suddenly became joyful. BLACK TURD APPEARED!! out of nowhere. Having heard during the run that he had “just woken up” it was seen as just another example of the day’s dire deeds, but here he was, “alive in the flesh”, (and pressing flesh too) in joyful exultation as it was revealed he had been LOCKED IN ALL NIGHT, WITH DAZED AND CONFUSED, AT PADDYS. (Dazed and Confused never appeared so it was assumed he was still locked in!!)
A yard of a demolished house was the site for a wobbly circle, (also wobbly for those standing in it). Black Turd now fully resurrected from his previous night’s ordeal was in fine form taking the role of GM. (and a roll too for many hashers clambering over the loose bricks). Nowhere Man was getting nowhere with his bottle opener despite trying be a beer bitch. Masturbaker as RA duly punished BT for his late arrival and Gizmo was also punished, perhaps for just being a dog. Visitors were welcomed from Tokyo, Miyuki and Hole in None; also Slug from the Stockholm Underground Hash. A patch was given to Petting Zoo for 69 runs, (Hot Chocolate not included), and Hard to Live With was mugged for 100 runs. He was later punished for not attending the Xmas Day run for the feeble excuse of spraining his ankle the night before, (on his way home from Black Turd’s party). The French and the English all had down-downs. Guan Guang decided to accusate “all hares” and wondered why nearly everyone was drinking. A similar accusation was given for working on New Year’s Eve.
From there it was on to On Food. Although no goldfish appeared on the table the fare was fair and plentiful. . Slug, our “Underground” Swedish visitor decided Beijing Hashers are all “mad” after hearing “Swing Low”. Maybe a bit of “surface” tension with the Beijing air.
Paddy’s was next on the agenda for some, (perhaps for another long night).