Nestled in the dusty grubby hills above Beijing, 32 beer hungry hashers assembled for a limp around the frosty countryside. A small number of hashers decided to wake early on the Sunday, and meet up with the Ski Group to find half of them gingerly scoffing their breakfast with the other half nursing their hangovers in bed.
One travelling hasher in particular needs a mention for showing true dedication, Spinal Tap from the Washington H4 graced us with his innocuous presence – bringing gifts of alcohol, rustled from the underwear of stewardesses on the plane over from the US.
A range of injuries from the previous days frivolities were on display for all to see… Dry Hole and Horny On Top were sporting knee damage and posterior wounds (not sure we should ask about that one), Twinkleballs gallantly displayed his grated leg, and Ginger Jesus looked forlorn in the corner stroking his bruised face…
This was no ordinary run: Instead, the Beijing H3 and the Boxer hash combined – I guess the group could be describes as a Mule… The offspring of the scratty, cumbersome, lazy donkey, and the galloping horse – not sure which is which in this case….
Hares, Horny on Top, Doggie Fondue and Cumshot led us off into the wilderness in a live hare spectacular which left those where were not battered and bruised from Saturdays Ski Hash, shredded, aching and thirsty.
The trail (which was excellent) led us through dangerous corn fields, o’er prickly slopes, and through dog infested villages. All but two hashers survived. Guangua (Now known as Nuts Pirate) decided he’s had enough of the hashers and the hills and headed off alone for a beer in a nearby village – he later told us he got lost, yeah right. Ginger Jesus wounded his finger on a bit of sweetcorn and proceeded to cover his face in the blood from the gushing wound so all would notice it. Needless to say, the hares finished a full seven minutes before the weary hashers.
The circle was led by both GM’s : H3 GM Dry Hole and Boxer GM Tapass… In a true amalgamation of the hashes, songs were sung, and beer was drank with the Boxer pose.
True to form, the cock of shame was produced from nowhere, and presented by Dazed and Confused to Cock Monocle, Spermaid & Dr. Jekill Spank my Hide for the shamefully forgetting to to return the Ski Card the day before, having Cumshot and Black Turd waiting in the middle of the cold.
Patches were given to Dr Jekill spank my Hyde and Hairy Gash for their commitment to the hash – do they have nothing better to do?
And then the namings…
Despite all her protests and subtle hints, Yoyo was not named “Lara Croft” (or Sh!t Faced C**k Master) – instead arising to be known to all as “Mind the Gap”.
Guanguan knelt naked before the circle and accepted his new name of “Nut Pirate” in true style, accepting the beer dousing from our RA, Dazed & Confused with a huge grin. He certainly enjoyed the white foaminess sprayed across his face… at -8 degrees!
On food, and then on Bus Home……