Life’s longest mile is the stretch from dependence to independence.

At Friday night, August 5, 14 hashers from Tianjin and 27 hashers from Beijing gather in Lianhuachi village for yearly Beijing-Tianjin Hash, at the foot of Mutianyu section of the Great Wall, located 70 kilometers away in Huairou district of Beijing. Blow Job, Pickle Boy and Agent Orgy cannot wait to jump into a pool that’s totally mountain spring for a natation, hey! It’s really cold water! And then a high-power speaker BJ brings in releases rigoroso music to polymerize hashers to dance together we’re been drinking during over an hour of transportation, blurring what time to hit the sack.

On the next day, Saturday, August 6, the typical local breakfast makes some hashers with Western lifestyle unaccustomed, like pickled radish and fermented bean curd. Ezy Rider & Just Jessie come by the other vehicle just get at the site. An hour of preparation later, running hares Herr Splashy Pants and Just Hulk hold bottles of flour to get off about 20 minutes in advance. A stately starting circle is activated with organizer Heart On and Boxer GM Sink & Destroy’s appeal to hashers, another organizer Red Snatcher hands out a quality and complimentary stylish headband printing on the event logos to each hasher. Guest RA Phantom arouses the longest finger of each and every hasher who bends the knee on one leg to follow his praying the trail together. Then GM gives an order to open check at 12 o’clock at noon. Also thanking a moderate weather.

After crossing a brook bridge, soon finding out the pass to up the wildness of the Great Wall as a trail that’s mostly the running trail and walking trail overlapped. But the steep and incomplete steps daunt some hashers. Tweety Pie scrambles up discreetly and wags her tongue in a wavering voice, “I’m dread of heights. I have to crawl like a dog.” Indeed, a winding dilapidated wall line as a only way up rises above the ocean of bush and suddenly overlooking back a bird view, cannot help to produce a bathos from ecstasy to fear. Well! Moving slowly can work. Pickle Boy as walking hare backpacking enough bottles of water takes care of the backward hashers. 15 minutes later, the first beacon tower is conquered by all hashers. When sweaty Phantom got to know the more 4 beacon towers are the same lie of the land, he decides to bring Phantom Menace to double back. Taxi Ride Her leaves a phone to them for emergency and then she continues to move on up. On the arrival of the second beacon tower, seeing 4 hashers taking a break and young ladies ask with discouragement how far it would be away, including Just Jessie, Pooh, ER also holding anther full bag of bottles of water behind his back and unknowns. At the third beacon tower, when mentioning that Hitchhiker smoking too much could lead to the short breath on scaling hill, she draws out a cigarette to smoke on and she tells her job works for supervision of banking industry. But soon she can catch up.

PB has to quicken pace to be afront for cracking a walking trail. On the way, eyeing hashers such as Poke On, Poke Around, 2 Pieces, Just Coco and Just Yoyo. At a junction after the fifth beacon tower, an obvious arrow marked on the soil by stick points to turn down and through woods and another section of dilapidated wall and meeting Pikachu and another hasher. PB reveals a turning to another side of hill is shortly to split a walking trail. However having to halt to wait all walkers to take co-action. Holding up for 20 minutes or up, sending out all water and collecting trash, all 16 walker get together to move down 3 hundred meters and step into an entrance of wall descanting on by cicadas and descend 2 beacon towers with part of abrupt steps and take a group picture, at a toilet for pee time, then beat a hill trail down and down that’s a bridle path with horse’s shit at every interval. No wonder some staff on the wall are reluctant to unveil this bypath to visitors. Ass Tonguer leashing Pengyou injures her left knee as she steps down a bit fast and has to keep down very slowly and needs the flat to move as soon as possible. 15 minutes later, all walkers loop back with delight and spent 3 hours on the whole trail with clear-cut flour marks and catch sight of most runners drinking and talking, in fact, the runners only spent 2 hours on the whole trail. Subsequently there’re the other 5 runners coming back like Tight Quim, Sperm Bank and the others. Getting shower and changing clothes for the next. Some hammocks close to the brook relax hashers. Cases of beer and boxes of water are placed in the brook for cooling.

Only one still does not show up for a while, nearly an hour, he’s Crash Test Dummy, GM and Organizers try to contact him without cease, but cannot . The circled celebration has to be started up in an open dining hall next down a babble of a brook. A voice diverts attention, “he’s back!” A topless figure is backtracking to the foot of the hill. It’s him, CTD. Some then shriek for his attention but he still turns to a wrong direction. Just Hulk hurried to pick up him.

Blow Job is put on black dress with white edge as Boxer Beer Bitch (wondering why hashers should call What Is Time, Mom if needing a drink?). Boxer GM S&D hosts a performance, first off, 5 virgins are greeted with Hash song and small gift. 3 hares are hailed in waves for a drink, sure, 3 co-organizers HO, RS and TP are called in for boozing, Sperm Bank names it’s exactly apposite, orgynizers! Agent Orgy is yelled in for her Mongolian liquor that she inebriated each hasher on bus last night and the rest is certainly for herself. Somehow Phantom and SB are supported out to make a handstand to libate, Daze & Confused and Lick It To Ride for Phantom, Dry Hole and Short Shift for SB, but only Phantom makes it by TRH accompanied with scream and whoop by hashers. Later on, Phantom, TRH, DH, S&D, BJ, HSP and Just Pete jointly pose a push-up on one hand and on the other hand, raising their an elbow. These are terrific to invent the new positions for hobnob. SB takes out a notebook to “accuse” a succession of hashers. Finger My Dough fetches out a halfjack of whisky to treat hashers. The pants of 3 hares are stripped off collectively looking like a underwear show. Some burst into uproarious laughter like Just The Tip, Rent Boy, PPTTWW, Charges by the hour, Driver , Hitch Hiker, CCOC Up, Dicktator , Iris, Just Oliver, etc. In the end, GM announces loudly for On Food that’s the appetite of hashers in the dire need after a tough journey at a stretch.

4 tables of square meals release fatigue of hashers, at times, the drinking glasses hashers grab knock at the glass table for table one. Phantom paces about sermonizing Hash spirit. It took over an hour for dinner and then the owner of hostel gifts 4 plates of tasty eggplant dishes. Approximately 2 hours later, a bonfire party is lit at an open parking lot and hashers sit on chairs and pews around the bonfire. The passionate music notes from the high-power speaker play up the emotions. S&D spreads the materials to make smores that’s recollecting Life Of Pee. Just Coco speaks to PB if you are Chinese person, you say Chinese language to me. Bundles of fireworks are available to light up the spot. The handful groups of hashers talk and drink. PreLubed prefers mischief by blending beer with liquor to fuddle hashers. PB with hangover preaches human finite should succumb to non-human infinite that cannot be created by humans. Finally weariness post-midnight pulls hashers out of timeless conversations to sleep for tomorrow. Still not are there a spark of stars overhead.

The storm rain downpours in the second half of the night. Nevertheless some hashers pitched their tents at the dirt parking lot such as D&C, ER & JJ, FMD who gets up earlier to catch up with bus to return to downtown. Their tents secure them against the drencher.

On the third day, Sunday morning 9 o’clock, August 6, our yoga coach Ass Tonguer grooms over 10 hashers to work out yoga stretch mentally and physically. When the local breakfast starts, the more Western hashers eat the food hashers brings along.

The sunray manifests extra poignancy and it’s necessary to anoint sunblock. A starting circle goes on per convention. Heart On as organizer announces matters needing attention. 3 hares are called out and they are Ezy Rider, Just The Tip and Just Jessie. Guest RA Dry Hole chants a cascade of prayers to rally spirit of hashers. A voice shouts out to open check at 11 am.

As moving on the creek bridge down to the riverlet, JTT yells back the most hashers passing by. Crash Test Dummy is the first to find out the firstling flour mark. But the trail ahead is a mire and having to wade through with tramping on slurry weeds. It’s about 20 meters of range in the front. At that moment, Blow Job trudging through in the brook overtakes hashers for a lead. As he nears a small causeway, he’s stuck in a mire and the water has been awash with his chest. Yea! It’s just a brook, not a swamp. He writhes in his body to wiggle out of it in jig time. DH guides Puppy and Flora to rush through. A hashing lineup run through a row of restaurants and bars. When reaching slope structures, hashers are a bit confused and JTT roars back hasher again on the track. A sound for On On from high steps fugles hashers to strike a way. Phantom Menace standing on the steps utters immature sound, “in this way!” and while there’s no way to go, BJ whoops up on the trail afresh, as if he’s proving to be his name’s function. Stepping on a meandering trail surrounding a sea of greenery that’s mostly barbed plants. A terrace with battlement receives hashers in the sun for a short time by a vast expanse of scenery, as if a wandering wall line floats in up and down the green sea. Some hashers snap photos. And then going on to step up and hitting a pavilion no time. Some can sit in for a shade. ER catches up with materials for concocting 2 pots of Bloody Mary by DH. Hashers talk and joke for 15 minutes. After cleaning up trash, the hare ER points out a trail to go back. Stepping down the pathway. All of a sudden, Just Yoyo squeals for 2 long worms perching on the tree and stop her moving on because the accident in her childhood came into being her psychological barrier. After down to the foot of hill, there are many restaurants and bars, along a road, hashers walk back and arrive the lawn with blaring vibrant local pop songs as the beer stop. Reposing the step and some lay down the lawn like BJ, Pickle Boy, Lick It To Ride, Herr Splashy Pants, DH, etc and swinging seats with ceiling. Having a fallow time for 15 minutes and then going back to change and shower and check out the room at 2 pm or so, then starting for a circle.

Poke On soaks her whole body in the brook for a cooling and comes to hug Poke Around and makes him run away with scream and pleasure.

The sunlight is still red-hot. The celebrative circle is sited next to the dining hall. The Hash flag unfurls on the bush. Some hashers sit on the rows of pews to watch a show. Heart On announces the do’s and don’ts. BJ is awarded a #25 running patch, in particular his energetic move. 3 hares are hailed out for their gig to lush together. Phantom summons all Aussies to dance a Haka like BJ, ER and PM. D&C takes out a cock of shame for a swig to Phantom and Sperm Bank. Just Yoyo and Just Coco are tied up with a red cuff. PB is asked by Mismanagement to use Chinese language to set an “accusation” to Chinese person. As an upshot, Guest RA SB leads a chorus of Swing Low with 2 versions with all hashers in exaggerative body language. Phantom comes forward to add a lady version. Then a call for On Food urges hashers to please taste bud. Within less than an hour, sated hashers down dishes. Tianjin hashers first board their bus and say goodbye with Beijing hashers each others. The minutes later, another bus takes Beijing hashers to on the way home. Some lingering energy sing Hash songs one by one full of joy on bus like AO, S&D, LITR, HSP, BJ, DH and Phantom.

PB then feels weak and has to keep shut-eye for a rest since got 4 poops in this morning, looking like some food poisoning because likely gormandized the yummy eggplants dish after Boxer dinner, sometimes still causing a pinch of bellyache in a bit cold sweat. After a few days of good rest, would restore completely. Anyhow, everybody enjoys this special Wildlife Summer Away Hash. Testimonials is when hashing the directionless trail, feeling scary and fretful. Once confirming the directional trail ahead, changing to be firm and motivated.

On On…
Pickle Boy
Beijing. Tuesday,
August 09, 2016