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A two-minute delay in cutting the umbilical cord leads to a better development of newborns during their first days of life.

The Existential Crisis Hash – FOYW Party for Fetus Envy and Circle K

Hasher’s comings and goings stitch town. Osiris as well has to readily tank up to see off a FOYW of our stellar hashers of BJH3, such as Fetus Envy and Circle K. More than eighty hashers come together to launch a circle pageant at a lawn near to southern gate of Chaoyang park. Specially FE had won his spurs with nonstop drinking under his belt. Our Haberdashery well-designed and produced a T-shirt for FE, coupled with proverbial words, “Do you even hash, bro?” ,which’s best hashing logia ever and tints a blue spot hashers dress up; PedalPhile and Creamy Cupcake separately has one leg on their knees to open their arms to interlink an incredible vagina, Dry Hole and Duh Spot support FE to lie down through the glabrous vagina and another side is Herr Splashy Pants and Just Ian as man midwives catch FE to Agent Orgy wearing a purple doctor hat and long rubber glove as obstetrician in charge of delivering a big baby. At that moment, FE has become Fetus Effusion. Yippee! What a clinical trail for BJH3’s pregnancy! By the same token, some souvenirs for his new life, a blue briefs from Master Baker; a headband camera from Pussy Nibble; a kite from 007; a pink fluffy handcuff from Creamy Lips; a hashing towel  and a lady glass from MM.

GM Six Kuai Short works in his functional emcee and several times his voice crests raucity of high-voltage excitement up and down; over 10 virgins stand in the circle back to back accept a welcome ceremony with Hash songs and floppy cock and 5-6 hashers from Tianjin Hash; many hashers score their BJH3’s running patches like Heart On, Ezy Reader, Not Shit Sherlock and unknowns; Pickle Boy obtain his #250 mug engraving on his name and poet laureate; Dazed & Confused jumps out to sheathe an Arm Cast on an arm of RA Lost in Marks & Spencer for a slinging drink; Super Squirter and Open Wide each brandishes a bitch slapper to abate noise; Just Maria and Bjorn Again respectively holds a professional camera to snap candid photos for hashers; three hares attiring red new hashing T-shirt are hailed in for their shitty-corking trail to drink a bottle of whisky and a bottle of red wine; CK, FE and LiM&S drink a Cock of Shame; a virgin swigs with one of his new shoes; Penis Tone, FE and DH in turns belts out situational Hash songs; Pretty Woman drives his alien motorcar to rush in the circle to deliver more cold beer; Just Megan is called in the circle for her naming on her knees. After rounds of nominations, a feminized name is known for ProBoner to her, all at once, avid beer columns of white foam spray over her body evenhanded vamping with resonant Hash Song and mishmash of screams. The upshot is RA LiM&S leads a chorus of Swing Low into an the bays of poesy with hashers. Then most bolt down a sausage barbecue catered by PW’s Andy’s Craft Sausages and fresh Jing A draft beer; BlowJob draws a super-speaker to blare out a finger-popping music until eventide and a small group cab by Uber to Paddy’s. Just Guoli still has a barrier to communicate with hashers in English language.

Sink & Destroy is the first to sweep out a latent mark in the very beginning. Hashers in a FE uniform wedge into a demolishing hutong in file and a local middle-age man suddenly pokes his body out of a door and yells at hashers, “This’s rising in rebellion! ”. Hashers of all time showcase our brightness and openness. Passing through a residential area and streets and alleys and turning in a park for free and an Open Check mark chains the paces of hashers for awhile. Just Oli spots a mark on lakeside but doesn’t get used to shout out for others; Piss & Bitch alike runs through marks without any calling for On On; Extra Dry, Chelsea Sucks, ChippenDale, Just Jake and the like keep their average speed headlong; Finger My Dough and Sweet & Furry jog on talk; after striding across some stone bridges, moving out of this beautiful park. Just Greg and virgins throw themselves into hunting a clue of marks. A summer sun puts on steam to drench hashers with perspiration by fits and starts. Unknowingly hitting the first beer stop on a busy lane. AutoBlow breaks in halfway; Muschi Riot seems to change to be teetotaler; PP buys a half of watermelon to treat hashers that steads drunken hashers; the interlude lasts about 15 minutes.

Unawares, Crash Test Dummy dashes ahead to seek out the firstling mark and on left from Two-Way mark to confirm a move-on after a serial three On On marks in a ticky-tacky hutongs zone as a speed bump and then run on a treelawn. Kiss My Maple Leaf takes the lead in right direction with missing out 4 marks. From a mark of Open Check perspective, everyone lose the way and has to go back this mark for a hint from hares. Holding up for minutes and DH has to point out a bearing to cross a junction and storm in another rubbles yard and on left soon running into the second beer stop for a break of 10 minutes or up. DS sighs only one street apart forms a world of difference, one side alarms new high-rise buildings out of reach; another side frightens broken-down village in shreds and tatters. DH and PP shop bags of snacks and crackers to share hashers.

Red Snatcher motivates to look for a way out for minutes and hares have to call forth a right direction. Betimes the talking gluttons have been lagged way behind like What the Fluff, Receding Down Under, Just Lee, Damage Goods, Breakfast included, Just Sonny, Just Wendy, Tight Quim, Just Judy and otherwise, also walkers like Hard To Live With, Cleft Behind, Colonize This, MargariCunt, Pekinsky Bikinsky, Just Sunny, etc. Cutting through intersections and loping on a lengthy bypath of an expansive greenbelt, just remaining straight on to help a perceptual distortion till making a right into a vehicle track and over little stone bridge. A bunch of latecomers like DickMocracy, PN, MB, D&C, Pikatchu, Just Dumb, Bruised Lee, Roger Rabbit, etc show up one after the other at B slot from A slot of start point and CL’s car transports Hasher’s bags in time. Faith makes all things possible; love makes all things easy, notably in going crisis being shot through with charged particles. By the way, Happy Mother Day, Earth!

The Sleep-Runners Pajamas Hash – Circle K’s FOYW

About 8pm, a fair Friday night. Perhaps Circle K lost his way and did not catch up the 2016 pajamas run. Before his FOYW at FMH #97, he organizes a pajamas hash afresh. GPS of Map App however misleads a route to run on one’s own account like Pickle Boy and three virgins including Just Hanna, Just Taozi and Just unknown who’s local boy and he says he has been hashing restaurant but no hashers when meeting him on a checking way. Even so someone who’s been there, it’s easy to find to be there. But being so-called there, where it’s a wrong gathering site. Just Hanna dialed many phone calls to her friend who has joined hashing and sends a pin in hasher group of WeChat. Unluckily PB is direction-free through and through. And then Just unknown navigates his GPS on his phone for a fuzzy pinpoint; Just Hanna calls her friend to pin hashing location a couple of times; PB asks 5-6 local people for this restaurant at diverse places, but none of them know it, street by a street, an alley by an alley. After groping for about 15 minutes, Just Hanna gets to know hashers would get together at Great Leap bar and PB brings others to dart to there. Still, only are there some hashers but they are not on trail. Just unknown’s GPS shows hashing hashers are just staying at the first beer stop opposite northern gate of Worker’s Stadium. In a flash, PB and virgins shoot to there. Yet, PB mislocates Worker’s Stadium and then Just unknonow’s GPS noses its way to fix a coarse positioning to be Worker’s Stadium, then Just Hanna phones her friend to find out hashing group across street in a dimness. Right away, PB and virgins whisk over a foot bridge and meet up hashing group and glance at Dry Hole whizzing past. Later on, getting to know it’s DH for the second haring. Thereafter plunging in hashing lineup together.

A familiar area eases hashers off to move forward along the flour strip. Finger My Dough, Sink & Destroy, Open Wide and Just Oli search ahead to girdle Worker’s Stadium and pass over a foot bridge and keep going northerly to the end and on right to fetch up a small shop as the second beer stop next to Great Leap bar. Many a one seem to wander off like Crash Test Dummy, Tight Quim, Come From The Rear, virgins and so on. And eyeing Circle K can put on a set of pajamas to run and a whole set of nightdressers such as Six Kuai Short, Not Shit Sherlock, PB changing a nightclothes on spot and others; Just Marth mentions she will go to Inner Mongolian Marathon to challenge a long trail; Just Xixi seems a non-drinker; Inspect Her Gadget and Just Wendy watch and listen; Agent Orgy volunteers to set the third haring to restaurant. The passer-bys cast groupie eyes on sleepwear-clad hashers. All the way eastabout raking through three blocks and can feel the water-bearing air to encumber propulsion. Just Greg, CTD, DH and PB almost lose their way by checking more and longer deviated hutongs and have to double back to make sure the arrow of last mark and check anew until bumping into Blister Fister in business suit who reveals a direction to cross the street and turning left for a spell and on right for a distance and on left for minutes to catch sight of restaurant at long last.

A circle is sited at a greenbelt. CK crowning his FM GM helm hosts a performance and more hashers make the scene like Fetus Envy, Pussy Nibble, DickMocracy, BlowJob, Roger Rabbit, Just Maria, What the Fluff, BF, etc. CK lifts a plastic keg of self-concocted margarita to treat hashers. Sure, three hares are pulled out for a birling such as Bearded Clam, DH and AO; CK hands each hashers a handful of votes with candidate names for a new FM GM. Finally Sweet & Furry won majority of ballots over DH; DH yields to nobody to be FM RA again; When FE stands out to grab GM helm for a contributive brimmer for CK’s FOYW, CK tips it on the head of FE and whoops it should be for new GM; S&F quaffs it in a gulp that implies the world is ushering in a women age; PB shrieks out, “how to f**king avoid nightmare!” . Turns out CK summons hashers to howl over a moon-blocked bright firmament. Most dine on local food and then walk to XL bar to kick off a FOYW party for CK and FE till early hours. As Jobs says, “being the richest man in the cemetery doesn’t matter to me. Going to bed at night saying we’ve done something wonderful, that’s what matters to me.”

On On…
Pickle Boy
Beijing. Tuesday,
May 10, 2016