FIT THE FIRST
The landing

“Just the place for a Hash!” the GM said
As she filled her crew with beer
Pushing each hasher onto the bus
With a fingertip jammed in his rear

“Just the place for a Hash!
Not enough to encourage the crew
Just the place for a Hash!
What I tell you two times is true.”

The group was immense; it included a Hole
A Queen who drank and Pranced
A Tonguer to keep all the buttholes clean
And Splashy, with beer on his Pants

There was also a Baker, to finger the Dough
Just Ram, to hand out the booze
A Melon Drama to make penises grow
And Cesspoodle, to chew on the shoes

There plenty of virgins, and Just the Tip
Tried to get more than his share
But Karate wiggled a geriatric hip
And seduced them with his grey hair.

There was one who was known for the number of things
He’d lost in the course of his life
His phone, his wallet, his clothes and rings
And he also forgot his wife

The loss of his wife hardly mattered because
There were plenty of women to suss
And plenty of men—but the worst of it was
He’d lost his dog on the bus

“Come then,” said Six Kuai , “While I tell you again
The four unmistakable signs
By which you may look for, and eventually find
The hares, who have lost their minds.”

“The first is their fondness for sitting on sinks
And tasting your ass with their tongues
They’re constantly looking for Yanjing to drink
And pollution, to put in their lungs

“You may hunt them in shiggy, you may hunt them on trails
You may tempt them with titties and bum
You may threaten the hares with baijiu-pails
You may offer them cokes with rum”

“But, slutty hashers, beware of the day
If the hare is a halfmind! For then
You might suddenly drunkenly stumble away
And never be sober again!”

“For the hares are curious creatures, that act–”
As Six Kuai continued to say
But his speech was suddenly stopped by the fact
That the hashers had run away.

FIT THE SECOND
The Tight Quim’s Tale

They hunted in shiggy, they hunted on trails
They tempted them with titties and bum
They threatened the hares with baijiu-pails
They offered them cokes and rum

“On on!” Said Splashy, and proceeded to run
He had spotted a floury clue.
“On on!” he repeated, running into the sun
“What I tell you two times is true.”

They ran up mountains, they ran through thorns
They chased them past ponds and falls
They followed the hares up vertical stairs
By following the smell of their balls

Melon Drama was distressed, and yelped
That the trail was too small for her boobs
But Just Ram was there and eager to help
By covering her chest with his lube

Then Cesspoodle spotted the hares
At the bottom of a neighboring pool
But Dry Hole helped her climb out of there
With the hair at the end of his “tool”

“There is Tight Quim shouting!” Pekinsky said
“He is shouting like drunk, over there!”
“He is pissing in bushes while giving them head
He has certainly found a hare!”

“It’s a hare!” said Tight Quim’s voice
From somewhere among the fens
Then suddenly drunkenly vanished away
And never was sober again

They hunted till darkness came, but found
Not a chalk or flour mark there
By which they could say that they stood on the ground
Where Tight Quim had spotted the hare

In the middle of the word he was trying to say
Stained by cum and pee
He suddenly drunkenly stumbled away
For the hare was a halfmind, you see

By Whose Red Weenie