Alien civilizations may be forced to capture stars and harness their energy using ginormous structures – all to keep themselves alive in the cold, ever-expanding vastness of universe.

A series of clever Hash songs are being ricocheted from Dry Hole’s nerve cells that rare runs at the fastest speed in the hashing, which is in the celebration circle of Full Moon Hash made by about 25 hashers at Friday night, 10 pm or so, at a dim and narrow junction in a hutong near Xinjiekou area, the utility poles equipping with night vision camera on the top. As if CCTV is giving the hashers a live broadcast. FM GM Ass Tonguer and FM RA Lick It To Ride moderate the show with high-conception. Prancing Queen, Heart On, Pickle Boy and so on echo the airy Hash ballads impassionedly. The streams of vehicles and passers-by from 3 different branches ceaselessly flow in and out of the Hash circle. RoadKill brings in bottles of diverse wines to treat the hashers. Just Alice drinks out the heroic demeanor of chivalrous woman. Just Jack jams into the circle as latecumer. Molotov Cock “accuses” of the things by penetrating something. And what not. As usual FM GM and FM RA lead all hashers to howl up some street light as a substitute for moon.

The rich Xinjiang cuisine entertains most of hashers. After the dinner, bicycling to Fangjia #46 to encounter a rough-and-tumble pool party for nearly an hour and then MC shepherds 5 hashers to rake through the higher rooftop to watch the lunar eclipse from 2 am to 4 am. But all rooftop bars have been closed, then have to be the Andingmen bridge of north 2nd ring road. Suddenly catching sight of a moving crescent moon. As we cheer up for it, the visible moon is apparently blocked by a thick cloud of smog, a glimmer of moon can’t be seen in the darkness and lasts for a while for nothing, 4 hashers are disappointed and head to SOHO KTV to yell some lyric songs till 5 am. It’s still a merry weather for the hashers.

The 3 volunteer hares are Limp Fish Dick, Shanghai Man and Beer Wolf. The first leg is a textbook Hash trail via streets and hutongs to the first beer stop where Just Dumb and Bruised Lee come from nowhere as latecumers. The second leg is to make the hashers getting lost in the shadow of Houhai lake. No matter how it is, all hashers fetch up the second beer stop and as LFD hurls a water bottle to DH who stands at a place about 5 meters away, nevertheless DH just catches this water bottle with his casual hand that it seems DH has a magnetic force to attract objects. And all hashers are surprised and cheer about it. As the last leg, BW has been made up of. Somehow he breaks his phone screen, it’s the sixth times as he says, and of course missing his way in a hutong and soon getting caught by Crash Test Dummy. And BW has to take the way over his marks on a main road to loop back to HH house. Nipple Kamekaze, KiddiePoo, Just Matt, Comes More Often, virgins, etc steam ahead. In the dog days, the route of around 5 K is right.

By 2050 humans will attend own funerals as robots – futurologist.

The next day, Saturday mid-afternoon, a clear sauna day. Circa 40 hashers participate in the 2 manful hashers’ FOYW hashing and haring, Slappy Seconds and Just Dumb, with their co-hare KiddiePoo in the neighborhood of Wangjing. GM Shanghai Man and RA Heart On summon a start ceremony and these 3 hares elucidate the marks to 11 virgins. The scene is funny, warm, orderly and visual like a short play in the high summer. Spreading out to search for the alpha sign in all directions with a fine-toothed comb and shortly locating to angle across the broad crossroad by a sonorous call for On On from some hashers. Moving northward along the street for a spell. A pleiad of hashers forge ahead on the double. Just Tim shouts out a mark. It’s not Hash mark but a chalk circle contains a pinch of paper ash. Aw, it’s Chinese superstition. Prancing Queen rides a bicycle in the wake of hashing line-up. Dry Hole like a machine spearheads a team to anywhere, although some places are wrong, he is able to seek out the right track. The streetscape is broad, fresh and prosperous. Once crossing a street into a digs quarter, the first beer stop is found. A social drink is unfolded vividly. It’s unmindful to notice that rows of vehicles are all high-end cars. What a rich zone! Hash Cash Limp Fish Dick dutifully checks the consumption of hashers and makes payment. A group of walkers here, too, like Ass Tonguer, Karate, Comes More Often, Churn Me On, Pussy Nibble, Duh Spot, virgins, etc.

Bursting through a sweep of green belt and rushing into a city park where an amphitheater-like flower nursery attracts the hashers to click group photo by Crash Test Dummy for Hash Hold. Nipple Kamekaze roars and courses forward, followed by Piss & Chips, Just Daniel, Just Kelly, Just Alice, Just Jack, Just Leon, virgins and so forth. Then pouring through another city park. The bird whispers RoadKill is asked by local cop to put on T-shirt in public. Striding over a tiny bridge over the canal to the other side. Just Matt is easy to jump on an over-1-meter-high highland to take a shortcut. Cutting through a woods and keeping straight and prolonged trail, as feeling exhausted into an upscale living community, an obscure mark on the ground swerves to a bush small shop for the second beer stop that hoodwinks a team of pacemakers to overreach. Anyhow the pin in the Wechat group gets hashers together to drink, talk and snack. When setting off to the trail, a frequent breeze messages the bare bodies of running hashers to our hearts’ content. In no time, coming back to the restaurant in a big circle. The circle is sited an empty space in a residential area behind the restaurant. Little Shit Red Hood opens up a speaker to play rhythmic music.

GM SHM and RA HO officiate at the celebration. A bunch of virgins are greeted with Hash convention. Dazed & Confused wins #300 quality pewter mug, run patch and 2018 BJH3 T-shirt, CumShot then #150 mug and run patch. The hare and FOYW SS stands out to accept #150 mug, run patch and 2018 BJH3 T-shirt, before that, he runs around this residential area for 4 laps for his sincerity. Another hare and FOYW JD obtains his high number run patch. Latecumer Blister Fister comes to gift these 2 FOYW and smokers packs of cigarette, each for 2 packs. All In and Lick It To Ride latecumers too. Co-hare KP raises his arm with arm cast to drink, but most of beer down-down his cheeks. A female virgin is detected to wear new shoes and pulled out to swill her new shoe of beer, however she’s too bashful to take it. GM SHM then rips off his shoe to fill with beer to drink and JD rushes up to suck-swallow this shoe of drink. Bruised Lee snaps pictures in different positions. A crowd of spectators have begun to look around the Hash circle. Abruptly a squad of cops turn up in the circle to hold up the hashers and order all topless hashers to put on clothes right away, there are only 4 hashers being naked to the waist. Pickle Boy steps up to explain and interpret a bit.

When PB wants to go away, the cops call him back to ask some questions, like what’s going on? who’s organizer? How do you gather here? PB answers he’s only participant and we’re a running club with drinking problem and can see news on our website. And the cops insist on checking PB’s ID card, then PB ushers the cops to the restaurant to show them his ID card and phone number for a record. And the cops resume, “which country are they from? Only you are Chinese participant?” PB replies, “they come from all over the world. It’s about 1/3 Chinese participants and there are already records for hashers in the Ministry of Public Security. If you say we have done something wrong, we will correct it immediately and sorry to disturb you, let you have a run of the police”. The cops smile, “this is our duty. If you celebrate something, better indoors, don’t disturb the rest of the residents. Let international friends eat and drink here well, pay attention to safety and don’t drink too much.” PB smiles, “Yes, sir. We will. Safety first. Thanks and sorry.” Then the cops leave.

Over 20 hashers dine on local yummy food and in the end, RA HO leads a chorus of Swing Low with crew in a private room. And then darting to Paddy’s, the Fuck-off hasher and hare SS continues to rabbit his last Full Moon Hash for drinking a running bars by bicycle line-up, such as Arrow Factory, French bar, Fangjia #46 and EI Nido around 3 am in the morning. Chance would be a fine thing. We hashers are here to put a dent in the universe, though.

On On…

Pickle Boy
Beijing. Tuesday,
July 31, 2018